Hello

[cryinginside]

 hi, I'm 44 male, from California, starting my  road to recovery, I'm dying inside, and can't stop the flash backs, I'm hoping to find hope and help here. Any advice or tips would be greatly apreciated

[Finchy]

Hello @cryinginside! Welcome to AS. I'm glad you found your way here, though I'm terribly sorry for what you've experienced. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. It's definitely common among survivors to have flashbacks and to feel so helpless...but you're in the right place. You're not alone anymore, and you DO have help! We're here for you. Do you have a therapist? I highly suggest finding a trauma-informed therapist if you don't already have one, too. I have been helped so much by my T. 

Wishing you well. Best wishes, cryinginside.

-Finchy

[cryinginside]

Thank you so much for the reply. I am currently trying to find a therapist just not how to to find the right kind

[patriciag]

Welcome to AS, you will find support here.

[MeBeMary]

Hi cryinginside. 

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured and the struggles you have faced. You have found a very supportive site tho, with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone.

Feel free to look around and interact where you feel comfortable. It's a big step to reach out and I wish you many more steps forward on this path we call healing. 

Mary

  

[Capulet]

Welcome to AS, @cryinginside - you are among many who understand what you are going through.  Take your time exploring the site - I truly hope you find the support you seek!

2 hours ago, cryinginside said:

I am currently trying to find a therapist just not how to to find the right kind

You can always ask your local hospital, crisis resource center etc for a therapist who specializes in sexual violence/trauma.  Sometimes it's hard to find a good therapist just by looking up therapists in the area - you definitely want one whose focus is in the sexual abuse/sexual assault/trauma arena - that truly can be the difference.  I would consider my preferences - (male/female therapist, etc), jot them down and see if you can narrow down the search, some.   Also - when you finally start making appointments, I recommend going for a couple of sessions before deciding on whether or not you would want to continue with them - sometimes we find we connect better with one potential therapist than we do another.  You should talk to a few different ones to see who you might like to work with, long-term.

Wishing you luck. Again, welcome to the community!

Best wishes,

Cap