I’m New, I Was Raped & I’m Struggling

[theydoexist]

Hi everyone, I did read the rules, though I’m still unsure of what I can really say. Apologies in advance if I do anything wrong.

Last week I was raped. I’m not ready to go into specific details, but I am having a really hard time and I don’t know anyone that has been assaulted so I’m really struggling.

I’m safe now and at home. I sort of know the person who raped me, we had seen each other around campus. I accepted a ride because it was cold out, and that’s where things went wrong.

I chose not to go to the hospital and I haven’t told anyone. I’m still in a lot of pain physically all over my body, but mostly my lower half is the worst. I’m so upset and sad, and the immense feeling of guilt and embarrassment from having accepted the ride when I immediately doubted myself before even accepting is so difficult to accept.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, I think maybe anyone that has been there and knows what it feels like and has made it to a better place in life. I read around a bit and it seems like there are a lot of wonderful people here. 
 

🤍

[Remembering]

I was in your shoes, but I never made it as far as this site until twelve years went by. With the guidance of some of the people hear I have started to get the mental help I need to move on from my experience. You have made a good step by finding this site.  Ultimately it is your decision whether or not to seek medical help, but please know that this was not and will never be your fault. Sitting with you and praying for you if that is ok.

[Finchy]

Hello and welcome to AS, @theydoexist! I'm glad you found your way here. You haven't done anything wrong, so no worries. 

I am so terribly, terribly sorry for what happened to you, and so recently, too. It is still very fresh, both mentally and physically. You didn't deserve it. It was not your fault. Please know that all of the blame rests on your abuser. It doesn't matter if you made the choice to get in the car. It was HIS choice to r* you. So please try to remove the guilt from yourself. It will be difficult...it will take time...but I hope you will realize that the blame is not on you. 

I'm so sorry that you're still feeling the physical pain. Please consider seeing a doctor if you need to. Take gentle care of yourself, ok? And I highly suggest seeking therapy. The sooner you can get a trauma therapist, the better. 

You will meet a lot of very kind and supportive people here. You are not alone...I'm glad again you found us. Sitting with you. ❤️ 

-Finch

[MeBeMary]

Hi theydoexist and welcome.

I am very sorry for what you went thru last week, but you have found a supportive site. Our members are kind and understanding. You are not alone.

What happened was not your fault. You accepted a ride, not to be traumatized. This jerk made a choice to invalidate your choice and that is so wrong. I'm sorry you are still hurting. You are like many, not to share your experience or seek medical attention. I would be a hypocrite myself to tell you to do either, but please keep them as possibilities for yourself. To hold on to such trauma and deal with it on your own can be a heavy weight. We are here for you, in whatever you decide to do. 

Your introductory post is also appropriate for the Welcome forum. You can post further in our private forums when you are ready. I know the shock and confusion are still quite overpowering, but you have taken a step early on, by coming here. Something I wish that I had access to, decades ago. You and your story are validated and believed. 

Look around the site and read, respond or write your own posts at your own pace. I wish you well as you begin this new journey...the journey we call healing.

Mary

[Capulet]

Welcome to After Silence, @theydoexist.  I'm so sorry to learn what has brought you here, but hope that being involved with our community will enable you to form connections and to experience peace, comfort and healing.  

Take gentle care of yourself.  

Best wishes,

- Capulet

[missfrier]

Dear theydoexist

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

[8888]

Welcome @theydoexist to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.