Hi, I'm New Andfreakin Out

[martacipi]

Hi there,

I'm new here.

It's been I guess three months since I think I might be sexually assaulted. I think because honestly I am still not sure, it was my ex boyfriend and I am afraid I am just confused and making things up.

In the last couple weeks I have been trying to figure out why I don't trust my ex enough to be friends (as he would like), and I don't know why but only now that night got back to my memory and I am actually realizing that he might have done something wrong, but what if I am remembering it wrong? I was thinking to talk to him and ask him... I don't know if that is a good idea...

Does anybody else have trouble trusting your own memories and is unsure about it?

[Dasi]

Hello martacipi!

Welcome to AS! I am sorry that you are suffering so much right now. You are not alone! Please check out this link for a description of consent.

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=96084&hl=

Dasi

[MeBeMary]

Hi Martacipi,

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry that you believe you may have been assaulted. Do know many of us have memory issues, so don't think yourself strange or uncommon for having this issues. It's a hard thing to admit to oneself that you've been hurt and by someone that you have cared for and the mind can definitely play tricks to protect yourself. I cannot say one way or another, but I believe that an unnerving feeling something wrong happened does make it a good possibility something wrong did happen. Dasi put up a good link, check it out to see if it helps. You have support here, as you try to figure it out.

Mary

[chant2012]

Hello martacipi. Welcome to AS! It is my wish that you find this site as helpful and healing as I have in my healing journey.

I am part of the NST (Newbie Support Team). What that means is that I (or any of the mods/admins/NST) can help/direct you as you learn how to use the forums. Should you have questions, feel free to send a PM to any one of the AS staff.

You've taken a huge step in reaching out. This is a big step in healing from abuse of any kind. Take all the time you need in sharing.

Feeling like you're remembering it wrong is not uncommon. If you would like to talk about it I would like to. Am a survivor of abuse in a romantic relationship as well.

Know that you are not alone.

Am listening and validating you and your experiences.

Here is a link to the board guidelines and rules:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?s=5c8b6bf0f3f95bcc2f076d1d105a1719&showtopic=194#entry685

Here is a link regarding some privacy/safety issues that are helpful:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?s=5c8b6bf0f3f95bcc2f076d1d105a1719&showtopic=27269#entry218846

Sending healing energy your way.

~Chantel~

[crushedflower]

absolutely understand trouble trusting one's own memory, particularly if alcohol, drugs (illicit or prescription), or history of past trauma and dissociation are part of the situation in question.

i am sorry that you have your fears about what happened.

i wish that there was a magic way to sort this out, but there is not.

careful reflection and talking this out with a trusted third party might help.

sending best wishes.

Edited January 9, 2016 by crushedflower