I thought i still had some strength in me. i cant get away from the panic. I would rather expose my body for strangers online than work in this public setting again. I arrived early because i have to take the bus. While waiting i saw so many people i didnt want to see. I had really bad panic attacks and i cant do it. I couldn't make myself go in there. What the hell is wrong with me. Im trapped. I feel like i can't breath. I want to be safe inside my home that's not Really much of "my" home anymore. IIts like everywhere i turned someone was in my face. Sometimes it Even hurts to be friendly. I started thinking how soon i would have to pretend every day that i liked people even when they are rude to me. Even when people shit all over me my job would again be to say thank you for sitting on me. I enjoy managing the staff and that's the only part i would have liked. I like teaching people, i like strategizing.. i like planning.that's All fine. But To stand there in the open selling myself just to close a sale to someone... most people that will just be Unnecessarily mean. I can't Anymore. No matter where i go in this place there is no privacy. II mine as well be walking through this mall naked. I feel more clothed when i am naked in front of the webcam. I hate this Place. I that i see my ex boyfriend old co workers In the mall. Not the one who hit me but the rumors he spread About me are disgusting and they look at me with their disgusting eyes. When I was managing the last store a mall friend came in to quietly let me know what the security guards were saying about me.Two of them were heard saying I was into nasty things. Going around to different guys that worked in the mall saying my ex said i liked freaky shit making it out to be like i was some nasty sl*t that wanted to be defiled. they were so nice to my face though.then there is James the dirty old man that over stays his welcome by the hours Saying inappropriate things to me. And when im working Im trapped. No where to go not allowed to say no. II can't do it. I won't do it. II