Sober

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About Sober

  • Birthday 03/05/1985

Profile Information

  • Gender Female
  • Location Florida
  • Interests Capoiera, Parenting, Reading

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType Survivor

Contact Methods

  • MSN jenrae143@hotmail.com
  • Website URL http://
  • ICQ 0
  1. Social Anxiety Disorder - How many of us struggle with this each day? And yet I sit here and nobody can possibly even begin to imagine that I am struggling even just now... I smile and work and talk (well ramble) because I don't want to be the "weird girl". My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, my mind is racing. I can feel the panic attack at the edge of my subconscious...I hate this feeling. The first class when I joined Capoeira, I didn't even know if I'd be able to bring myself to participate. I thought my heart was going to explode. I practiced the first thing they taught us for days before the class with my children, they'd been going for a couple of months and love it. (You should see how excited they are to show off their hand/head stands and cartwheels and kicks) Ginga, the very basic move of which all moves are based from. That is where you start, step back, arm up to block. It was almost like protecting myself from the eyes of everyone else around me. I started to think I can do this! The class was all women that day, except one boy of about 14 years old. I can handle this, I know I can. I kept telling myself that. And then S approached me, she could see how afraid I was. Or at least how nervous I was, but she taught me the basics and there was A, 8 months pregnant and still doing it. I survived 45 minutes that day. And have stayed an hour to an hour and a half each day since. They are all very friendly, and they keep this safe distance that makes me more comfortable. Even the guys, they aren't pushy or overt and they really don't flirt which is nice. I mean they're nice and they smile but that's just being nice, right? Sometimes I think too much into things but I am trying not to do that here. There are all different levels, people at every stage of learning and they all help and teach in different ways which is great because some ways are easier to learn than others. And where is this all going? Well now 1 month later, I can step inside the class and my heart is only just barely pounding. I don't feel like I'm going to cry, I don't feel the panic attack coming. I feel stronger, braver, prouder, almost worthy. I am stepping towards a future as a Capoeirista. It is something different for each person, and for me that is a sense of belonging somewhere, being a part of something bigger, being a part of something period. Next step, feeling confident enough to participate in the Roda....slowly, slowly, I'll get there.
  2. I decided in November to take on a new task, a new activity that I can learn but feel safe in as well. I'm not one for fighting, not one for working out either. But having enrolled my extremely active 4 year old into a Capoeira Preschool, the only one of it's kind in the WORLD, and having my daughter go after school, I decided I'd like to try it. Folks, it's amazing. Where traditional martial arts involves sparring, involves touch and impact, this one does not. If you get kicked, it's quite by accident because it's a game although it can be used for defensive and offensive fighting. If you've never seen it done, you should check it out. I'm hooked completely. I love that it's more like dancing than karate. There's more acrobatics and gymnastics and it's constantly moving. It's fast and slow, it's based in music and history and was developed in a time of severe oppression of slaves in Brazil. I love that when they show me manuevers, they don't have to touch me to show it. I don't like being touched. I love that everyone accepts you without having to know your story. It's a family and they take everyone, all they ask is that you try. Isn't that what true family does? It's energizing and addictive and it's a little intimidating at first but with awesome instructors like mine, you feel like you can accomplish something. I made a huge stride last night in seeing HUGE improvement with a manuever that I was struggling with for several weeks. A man who was learning with us showed me a way to make the move easier. He said that although when playing capoeira in the circle your space is limited, I have the benefit of being small and therefore needing less space to move. By moving my foot a couple of inches across, the move came so much easier. I was so excited. I feel my confidence grow. And here I am, confidence? What's that? Something I've never had any of before. I feel stronger, prouder, more able. Can something so simple really help to build those feelings??? It seems so. I just wanted to share this. It's huge for me.