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About Phedre

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  1. You will never be loved.
  2. I agree with what others have said, that ultimately her healing is up to her. One thing that strikes me though is that not going to therapy is not a definite indicator that the person does not want to process trauma or work on improving their life. Therapy is one possible way to work through trauma. You said that she wasn't interested in going to therapy, but you didn't mention why. Maybe she didn't either. As a survivor who has often felt pressured into therapy when it hasn't made sense for my situation, I can relate to withdrawing from partners who are asking me to go. I don't do this because I am refusing to acknowledge a problem, but because I often feel frustrated that partners don't ask about what I have already been doing to help my situation or what progress I've made or what they can do to support me. Survivors are often used to dealing with people assuming that we don't know what we are doing and can get a bit defensive when asked to do healing differently. Perhaps therapy might be a good idea for her, but either way it seems like there needs to be an open dialog about what she will be doing to improve her situation and how you can help her. You can't force an open dialog to work, obviously, but I think it might help to just let her know you won't pressure her towards any specific decision but you are concerned about her and want to help her.
  3. I'm assuming that you're here because your girlfriend is a survivor and you are trying to figure out how to make the relationship work with that. The most important thing is to make sure that communication stays open. Both of you need to be able to talk through your feelings together. Survivor relationships work best when both people have at least one source of in-person support (whether that's a therapist, a close friend, a relative, etc) besides each other and are both actively working on making the relationship work. I'm glad you're here and committed to making things work. Welcome.
  4. This sounds like a good idea to me. I am a survivor of this kind of thing as well. I'm sorry this has happened to so many other people on the board too.
  5. Please go take a shower.
  6. Thanks all .
  7. Hi everyone. I'm new to After Silence but not new to dealing with survivor issues. I'm uncovering some memories of CSA right now and thought it would be nice to have an account so I can lurk a bit and just see what other people are going through and maybe get some good advice from people who have been there. What else...I'm 22, like to write, am interested in advocacy, and am swamped with school work. Can't think of much else to say right now, but glad to be here.