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  1. Baby, I know I keep telling you this but it's true, I am SO PROUD of you for this. I love having the chance to say here for everyone to see that I love you and will always be your number one fan and supporter. Welcome to aftersilence. To everyone else, I'm the Unbreakable that she's talking about. Let me introduce my girlfriend Scartissue, the strongest person I know. She is a very special girl who deserves only the best, that's why I introduced her to aftersilence. She is one of those pure good people out there, doing her best for herself and her Loved ones, and has been hurt terribly along the way. I've seen her come so far since we were first reunited, when she could barely function, and nobody but her and me and her abusers (and the people who watched the videos of the abuses) knew about her abuse, to now, when she functions in school, a part time job, and volunteer work, and in our family, she's even told her Mother about her abuse! I haven't even done that! Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and please do let her know that you've heard her out.
  2. I have learned that everyone's healing path is different. We heal in different ways. And we take different amounts of time to heal. Maybe we never really "heal" but instead evolve and become stronger, wiser, and better people. I can't say that I have ever felt like I did before I was raped. But feeling "normal" can happen. You can learn to smile again, to laugh, to tell jokes, to take pleasures in things that you used to. You can get to a point where nobody knows unless you tell them. Before I started with AS, weeks went by that I didn't think about what happened. I think that for me, it was a lot like when a very close family member dies. At first you think that your whole world is over. There is pain and confusion and you question everything you ever thought about Life and about God. But things move on. The sun rises and the sun sets. And after enough time passes, an hour goes by without you thinking about it. Then after more time passes, a few hours may go by without you thinking about it. More time passes and eventually a day will go by that you didn't think about what happened. You keep building from there. I wish you the best of luck. Know that I'm here for you. Luv Liz
  3. The more of AS you dig into, the more the courage comes when needed. Anytime you need someone to talk to in private, you can feel free to PM me and I will listen and talk about anything it takes to make you feel comfortable. Luv Liz
  4. Welcome to AS. Any time you need someone to talk to, PM me and I'll get back to you ASAP. Love Liz
  5. Welcome. If you need someone to talk to, PM me and I'll get back to you ASAP. Luv Liz
  6. I'm so proud of you! I'm very happy to have you join us. Remember the advice I gave you and if you need a reminder, or if you need anything else, let me know, on here, or in person. Love and Hugs! Liz
  7. Any time you need to talk to someone who "gets it" I'm here for you. Just send me a PM and I will listen to anything you want to say, answer any questions you ask, and anything you tell me will stay between us. Love, Liz
  8. Welcome to the forum Rainbow. I love you for all the wisdom in all of your posts that I have read so far. I can't wait to see where you go from here. Love, Liz
  9. Welcome to After Silence Anette. I hope you find what you need here to heal and overcome the pain that causes your self destructive methods of coping. We are all here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to in private, please feel free to PM me and I will get back to you ASAP. Love, Liz
  10. Welcome to the group, Katie. You have hit the jackpot of people who know what it's like. I hope we can give you all the help you need to heal. I am very glad to hear that you have told some people now. I know how hard it was for me to tell people. The best advice that I was given was to write my story down, just for myself, in a word perfect file, even if I could only write 1 or 2 words at a time and to come back to it every time I have the strength to write more, include more details that I had left out, include things that I had forgotten. I keep writing and revising and adding to my story. Putting it in words helped me to make sense of things. It helped me to figure out how I felt about things. It helped me to figure out things that I never would have figured out. I've said it many times, and it may be some of the best advice that I have to give. The more people I have told, and the more of my story that I have told, the better I have felt, and the easier it has gotten to tell people. Just remember how hard it was to tell the very first person you ever told. How much easier was it to tell the last person that you told? In my experience, it gets easier every time and I feel better and better every time. I hope we can give you enough support for you to heal enough to be able to write down your story. If you ever need someone to talk to in private, please know that you can PM me and I will reply. Love, Liz
  11. Welcome to After Silence. I really hope that you find what you need here. If you need someone to talk to in private, please know that you can PM me and I will reply. I have never had any support from my family because I never told them what happened to me. I have never had all that great of a family like it seems other people have. But I do wish that I had one. Instead, I have found friends that have gotten me through an amazing amount of recovery. Now, I have After Silence to give me what I need. People who listen. Peoply who can sympathize with me. People who care. People who need me to support them. People for me to help. I hope you find what you need too.
  12. Thank you all for such a warm welcome. I want you all to know that if there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know. Liz
  13. Hi, my name is Liz and I survived rape and abuse. I’ve come very far in the 3 years since it started. Most of the time what fucks me up the most is that it doesn’t bother me that much anymore. In my head it's like the death of a beloved family member. I cried and cried and cried and I thought the world would end, and I wanted to die. But somewhere along the line I stopped crying and other things in my life became more important and that part of my life became less and less important. Does that mean that I'm healed? Or does that mean that somewhere deep in the bowels of my mind, I've repressed how I'm really feeling? I’m fucked up in some ways. But I don’t know what is because of the damage from the rape and what is just weirdness that I would have developed even if it had never happened. Like, I LOVE SEX now. But I won’t be satisfied by the sex unless I have both a man and a girl there to have sex with. And here’s another thing. I have a God-given gift for being able to seduce any woman in the world, no matter how straight, how gay, whether she has a boyfriend, or even a husband. No matter what, I always know what to say to get any girl to have sex with me. I've pretended to be rich, I've offered girls jobs as a model and/or actress that would make them rich. But it's not all lying too. Many times I can just talk a girl into kissing me and then talk her out of her clothes from there. Many times I just talk a girl into having sex with whatever man I'm with, and then I'll have sex with her while she's having sex with him. I think that my need to do this has something to do with my rape experiences. But I don't know if I'm just an f-ed up person to begin with. Would I even be bisexual if I weren't raped? I don't remember ever having bisexual urges before my rape, just after. For a long time after my rape, I became a very manipulative person. I learned to play on people's sympathy, or just to be able to persuade anyone to do whatever I wanted. Is that because of the rape? Or is that just a birth defect? I am obsessed with the story of Louise Ogborn. I have to know everything about everything there is to know about her and her case. Is that just me being creepy and f-ed up? Or is that to somehow help me heal, when I feel healed already? I have other questions still, but no matter how healed I am, or not, I don't think I'll ever be able to ask them because it's just too humiliating, and I decided to stop humiliating myself a long time ago. For the most part I feel healed. I just have all of these questions, and a lot of guilt and sympathy for other victims/survivors. For the past 6 months I have been living with a married couple that have taken me in. The wife is the best friend I have ever had and she is a survivor too, and the husband is exactly what every woman would want in Mr. Perfect. He is so good with us and I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. If he weren’t married I would snatch him up for myself, but since he is, I’ll do the next best thing: live with them as their live-in playmate for as long as they’ll have me, which they assure me will be for a very long time. I hope to make friends with all of you. I hope that I am able to help you all in some way, big or small. I hope that amongst you, there is someone who can answer my questions. By banding together we can be strong enough to defeat any of our abusers. I want to be a part of that. Liz
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