Hello ~ Introduction

[Anishinaabekwe]

Hello,

I am new to this!

I have been having dreams of being raped or sexually assaulted for the past 8 years. I will dream that I am raped or sexually assaulted and I wake up and my area will hurt like something happened. I was in an attempted rape in grad school (age 24) and also sexually assaulted when I was 25. I have been irked by sexuality and very untrustworthy of people all my life. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic family system. I live on my own currently 4.5 hours away from my family. My family and I have been doing healing work but if I was sexually abused we have not touched on it. I do remember that my Mom would put A&D ointment on me as a kid. I always hated touching myself so she would do it. I remember her putting the ointment on in front of my sister because we shared the same bedroom. She would put the ointment on me because I was always playing in my bathing suit all day in the summer. It would chafe my area because of going from the pool, to the bike, running around, playing in the dirt, ect. But I always wondered if there was something more that took place? My Mother would also always tickle my back to help me fall asleep at night - up until about age 10. I remember rough housing with my Dad and he tickled my stomach area really hard with his hands. About 2.5 years ago I moved back home after graduate school because I was broke and I had an eating disorder which was full blown. I brought up the idea to my Mother that I could of been sexually abused and she got mad at me. I slammed my hand on the desk and it turned black and blue that instant. I feel like she was not listening to me or cared about what I could of potentially experienced. I showed her my hand and she had no compassion. Later we talked about what happened several times to try and heal what happened between us.

I have been looking over some lists that I have found to be helpful. I like this one in particular: http://www.sexualabusesurvivors.com/Aftereffects.htm

I believe that even my Mother putting A&D ointment on me is sexual abuse. It just feels icky to this day.

I have seen some counselors over the years but have a lot of distrust for them.

I guess thats my introduction...

~ Anishinaabekwe ~

Edited January 23, 2010 by Anishinaabekwe

[~FOUND~]

Hi there. Welcome to AS. I hope you find this site to be helpful. Thank you for sharing with us.

Found

[whimsical1]

Welcome to AS.

[MidnightSunshine531]

welcome to AS

[Anishinaabekwe]

Thank you for the welcomes!!! Edited January 25, 2010 by Anishinaabekwe

[Guest SaraElizabeth]

Hiya and welcome to AS

My name is Sara and I'm a member of the Newbie Support Team which was set up to help new members settle in, so if you have any problems or need any help then feel free to send me a message and I'll do my best to help you out.

I hope you find this site helpful, and thanks for the link. I hope you get all the help and support you need here.

Take care,

Sara x