justfloating

I see him everywhere. I see him in the bus driver, in the customers at work, even in the staff. I can’t stop seeing people that could be him. It’d been almost 5 years since I’d seen him and I didn’t know what he looked like anymore. I put it off for a while but I kept thinking about it and I had to know if any of the people I’d seen were him or not. So I looked him up on Facebook. There were only two pictures and on the most recent one his mum commented “my beautiful boy xx”. If only she knew what her beautiful boy had done.

I’m angry. You stole from me. You took what was precious to me, not even for yourself you just threw it away like it was nothing. I was someone before you. I was smart, I had a future, people were proud of me and now I’m nothing. I was supposed to go to university and be a doctor or a scientist and you took that from me. Now I get judged by people who know nothing about me for doing something that keeps me afloat, mentally and financially. They ask me what else I’m doing, what I’m working towards like just trying to live and be happy isn’t enough. I’m so angry but every time I saw yo