New here and so SO grateful to have found this community. I am an incest survivor and have been slowly processing and dealing with my trauma since I was able to leave home as an adult and, I realize only now, maintain a safe distance away from the perpetrators. It has been completely awful. I am still in contact with my family and I love them, but I know now that I deserve to heal and that what happened was sexual abuse and assault. I often feel very conflicted and confused about what healing should look like for me and what I even deserve. My family’s denial is limiting my life experience and ability to feel joy. Realizing only now it is damaging in so many ways to talk to or associate with my father; i am tired of holding this secret and the rest of the family acting as though things are perfectly normal. I am tired of “pretending,” which was such a huge part of growing up that it continues to affect go I live in the world now.
I am also starting to think about and mourn the injustice of what happened for the first time as an adult. As a child, I was prevented from reporting by my mother. I am starting to consider making a report now. Sometimes I fear that what happened to me happened to another child or could. I have a great T who has been wonderfully supportive about ways to approach my concerns regarding this. Grateful for the stories and perspectives of other incest survivors with respect to how they’ve managed/navigated these things.