ActivistAlly
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Posts posted by ActivistAlly
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My name is Risha. I am of Indian descent. I love to play soccer and am intrigued by anything mathematics related. Joining a support group has been very outside of my comfort zone because Indian culture is typically not the most open culture.
I am a survivor. I am an over comer.
I am going to turn 21 this year and honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far with everything that has happened. It has taken me almost 2 years of numbing myself from the pain to have the strength to open up about it. I am choosing to open up because I want to help others heal. I can't help others who went through similar things unless I allow myself to soberly walk through the healing process first.
You all inspire me. It takes courage to get up every morning and willingly decide to attempt to put the pieces of our lives back together. I look forward to having friends who understand and will not judge, ridicule or belittle the hurt I have experienced.
Anyway, happy Friday
. Let's be stronger today than we were yesterday.Sincerely,
Risha
))Welcome to AS (After Silence) Risha!
I am sorry that you have a reason to belong to such a community, but I'm glad you found us! I am glad you have come to the point of breaking the silence about what you've endured and I hope you find that being able to express your pain will help you move forward on your healing journey. What a courageous step to speak out here!
I hope you find AS to be a kind and supportive place of encouragement as you go about the task of picking up the pieces of your life and creating a future filled with promise!
With support,
Activist Ally
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I especially want to guide folks to the first page of this thread which has WONDERFUL information to helping to calm down and get grounded while in crisis and how to prepare for those moments ahead of time. You can hop right to that first page by clicking here http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=98862&page=1 -
I already posted once, and was responded to kindly. I am hopeful about this site, as I had a bad experience with another site (I know nothing about online forums, I don't even know if it was a "legitimate" site set up to truly help, it didn't seem to have any "safeguards" or "moderators" in place to help much). I, obviously, won't name the site, but it triggered me in a very serious way.
After many months, I thought I'd look again, and came across this site. It seems "gentler", I guess is the word. So, I thought I'd try one more time.
I am trying very hard to work on a new relationship, and develop trust in a new T, in a new town...
I'll try to tell my story(ies) in time. But for now, "Hello", I just turned 49 a couple of weeks ago...I am hoping that this forum will be the start of a combined therapeutic effort, one that will help me start beginning to open up to my new T. I miss my T/Pdoc of many years, but living situations change, even if "life" situations don't.
I am hoping that this board is different, as I DO find it easier to "talk" in a setting of anonymity, and am hoping that might lead to the beginning of conversations in a therapeutic setting.
Thank You For Listening...
Hello,
Well I hope you will find that AS (After Silence) is a kind and supportive place to help you on your therapeutic journey to healing. Take your time and look around - no pressure on anything.
With support,
Activist Ally
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I just found this site, and I must say that my heart skipped a beat when I found it. I have been looking for a safe place to share my story and visit with others who unfortunately have experienced the same things. This looks like a very caring and supportive place. I am a 50 year old elementary teacher who has been haunted by her past for some time now. I am hoping that being a part of this site will help me to come to terms with some things as well as befriend others on their journey too. Thank you very much!
Welcome Daisy,I am sad that you went through something awful but I'm glad that you've found this site that may be a place like you have longed to find where you can share with others who understand what you've gone through and who will care and support you as we walk towards healing together.
So glad to see you and welcome to AS (After Silence)...I hope you will meet many friends who will make you feel supported here.
All strength to you,
Activist Ally
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Hi I'm new here. I'm please there is a forum I feel comfortable sharing on.
Hello Els,
Welcome to AS (After Silence). I am glad you found this forum and I do hope you'll be comfortable sharing here and that you will find some kind and supportive people to help you heal.
I don't know your story but I agree with the others that it wasn't your fault and you were not to blame.
With support,
Activist Ally
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Hello.
I am 46 years old and I guess that you could say that I've managed most of my life to now with this little thing called denial. I've never really allowed people to see the real me. I am always wearing this mask and everything is always "ok" with me. I discovered long ago that if I stayed with routines and avoided high-stress situations, things were almost like they were normal. It hasn't been that way lately, though.
I've been fighting this dark place I've been in. I'm depressed, angry, frightened, and so very tired. Denial is not working for me anymore. I don't want to give in to this dark place, so I have made a couple of scary decisions.
The first one was joining this site. I see a repeated theme here, and that is that I am not alone. I hate that anyone has to go through this, but there is some comfort to know that there are others that can truly understand.
The second decision is I want to confide in one person that I trust. I am just afraid that I will have this major meltdown in front of her, and that terrifies me beyond anything.
I guess in a lot of ways, this is like my coming out party. I've never said those three ugly words before, but here I am, just as I am. No masks and no denial to hide behind. I was raped. I know there isn't a magic answer to any of this, but I hope that I am at least headed in the right direction.
Thanks for hearing me.
Welcome to AS (After Silence)!
I am glad that you have found this site as a step towards recovering from those unhealed wounds. I hope breaking the silence will help you to realize that you are so much more...that your worth is so much more...that your life is so very much more than those three words.
With support,
Activist Ally
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Hi this is my first post and my first time being a member of a support group for survivors. I am a 21 year old Christian and am partially disabled. I was assaulted years ago, when I was in middle school. I kept it a secret until I was an adult and now I'm trying to move on and have a normal life. Hoping to find some inspiration.
Welcome Xinyang,
I'm glad you've been able to come here to break the silence about that terrible thing that happened years ago. I hope you will find understanding and support here to help you as you move forward towards the life that you want to live.
Strength to you,
Activist Ally
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I just want to say I'm a 27 year old married mother of 2 who was molested when I was younger n I'm hoping to move on with my life. I came across this site and am hoping I can find the support I need to b successful.
Welcome to AS!
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I did a search online n I came across this site. Seems like it will b a very interesting and informative site that will help aid me in my recovery process. Hoping I can help other currently as they are going thru the same stuff.glad to be a member of this forum.
Hi Shadow,
I'm glad you found us! I hope AS (after silence) will help you in recovering and we'll look forward to getting to know you better!
Welcome to AS!
Activist Ally
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Hi everyone
My name is Sarah and I'm a CSA survivor from Dublin.
I'm having a rough patch at the moment and am feeling quite alone as I have nobody around me to talk to who truly understands. So I decided to join here in hope of making a few friends that I can share my journey to recovery with and vice versa.
Looking forward to getting to know you all xx
Hi Sarah,
Wow, that is really hard to feel alone with something so heavy and painful isn't it? I hope you'll find some kind supportive and understanding people here to help you on your healing journey.
Welcome to AS (after silence)!
Activist Ally
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Hey so not sure how this goes but I'll try, dealing with this since November got as far as an ID parade and awaiting court confirmation don't know what to expect! It's horrible seeing this happens so much! Wasn't aware how common it was till it happened certainly opens your eyes!
It is awful how much it happens isn't it? I'm sorry you have reason to be here but I'm glad you found us and I hope we can help support you as you deal with things. Welcome to AS!
Activist Ally
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Hello,
I am having a hard time posting anything, even just a post to introduce myself, I have only told one person of my past and what happened. I am 26 years old, I have a beautiful daughter and a fiance who is very supportive and he is the only person I have talked to about what happened (I told him it happened but never gave too much detail). I was triggered really bad recently and am having a hard time with life in general it feels. I have decided to take a step forward and find support and have been perusing the forum and feel the people here can actually understand how I feel and not judge me... which is something I really need right now. I have kept this mostly to myself for 8 years and never really tried to heal properly or find any kind of help so I am very proud of myself right now. I am not quite ready to tell my story as I can barely type this without crying but I want to thank you all for giving me a place where I can feel safe and get out what has been pent up inside me for so long. Thank you and I look forward to healing together.
Ah, I'm sorry you cried as you wrote this..it sounds painful to put down into words but I am glad you found us and I am proud of you too for reaching out for healing. You're so welcome to be here!
Activist Ally
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Hi everyone. I'm new around here, though I think I originally registered a year or so ago. It's become apparent to me that I have not sought sufficient support or been kind enough to myself in the past. I'm hoping to do both and eventually feel stronger. Many thanks for just being here with me.
Hi Aneworkinprogress!
I am glad you are becoming more aware of the importance of meeting your needs for support and that you are open and wanting to be more kind to your self. We're glad to be here with you and hoping you will grow stronger with us!
Activist Ally
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Hello Holly!
I'm sorry you are going through a painful and confusing time right now but I am glad you found us and I hope we can help to support you as you search for answers and healing!
Welcome to After Silence (AS)!
Activist Ally
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Hello, my name is Yvonne. I'm 22 from FL. I'm studying to become an RN in college, I love scifi fantasy books, tv shows, movies. Favorite movie is lord of the rings. ; ) I am a survivor of child sexual abuse, and am now a rape crisis advocate. I hope to engage in this forum to help myself and others through our journeys. I will be posting in other areas shortly. Lovely to meet everyone!
Hi Yvonne!
Welcome to After Silence! You sound very interesting and strong with all your interests and especially courageous to be an advocate!!! Lovely to meet you too!
Activist Ally
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I'm shadow2010. I unfortunately don't feel comfortable giving my real name yet but i am a married mother of 2 with adhd and severe depression n ptsd. So glad i came across this site and can't wait to meet other people who have been thru similar encounters such as myself. I look forward to chatting with everybody n hope my story will n can help someone out. Sincerely love shadow 2010
Hi Shadow,
I'm glad you came across this site too and I want to welcome you on behalf of the new member support team!
It's okay if you don't use your real name - I do not share my full name because it is a basic internet safety practice not to do so and so I think you are wise to not share it or any other very personally identifying information here!
Activist Ally
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Hi all,
So... it feels a bit weird re-posting this.... but here goes. After what happened 9 years ago I have finally broken the silence. It is not easy especially when I see the person almost every day, but I have promised myself I will never again be a victim. I am now able to protect myself physically but have realized that emotionally I am still a wreck. That is why I am here, I hope that I will finally find peace and healing.
Lilly Zoe
Lilly,
Thank you for reposting and I am sorry that your first post got lost due to the server change.
But welcome to AS (After Silence). I'm glad you have broken the silence. You are strong and brave to take the steps to heal emotionally. I hope that we can help in some small way to support you on your journey to peace and healing.
((((Lilly)))))
Activist Ally
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In a response to being new here. Sorry I am not very computer savvy and I am sorry anyone needs to be here but Hello as I collapse at my computer in anxiety and tears. I am a man 53 years old and my life was stolen from me from the time I was 8-9 until I was a young teenager. I have hid it and run from it for all of my life. Went to college got tossed out as an honor student, went in the Army and was fast tracked and earned a degree and commissioned in combat arms as the top rated officer in my unit until I crashed that down, married and raised two boys and now I have nothing to do and no where to run and I look me in the eyes and I am devastated inside. My whole life feels a fraud and surreal and it always comes back to a night as a child. I have no idea who I am. Everytime I watch a war scene I regret I could not go out like a hero and be out of the pain...I have sat and cried for whole days and my kids think it is over dead buddies and leave me alone....I started teaching womens self defense classes at the request of a community center and it opened up a piece in my soul and I am shattered inside and I don't know if the pieces can be put back together. I will sob now. thanks....sorry if I am in the wrong place
You're not a fraud - you're a survivor and a fighter. It took guts to keep going on like you have and it's okay to take some time now to address those old wounds.
You know, there are stories about combat vets who lost limbs and such who didn't scream out because if they had the enemy would have heard them and their bodies decided that it was best for their survival that they keep hidden until it was safe for them to react to those wounds. That's a survival mechanism at work. Of course, when safe to do so they had to have those grievous wounds taken care of!!!
Just a guess but maybe you're feeling safe enough now to look at that stuff. Don't be fooled though...it didn't destroy you then and it can't destroy you now.
It wasn't your fault and you are not to blame. I hope you find a good outlet here that is safe and compassionate to help you on your road to healing.
Activist Ally
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Welcome to AS!
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Hi. This is my first post. I don't know what to write, how to go about talking about something I've kept inside for 16 years. I feel confused maybe I am making a big deal over nothing? Can anyone direct me to a forum on here where I can share a part of my story.....I need help to figure it all out...
Hi RaRa844,
Welcome to AS (After Silence). Thanks for introducing yourself, that was a brave step!
I'm sorry something happened 16 years ago that made you feel this way...I am thinking it probably was significant and that you aren't making a big deal up over nothing. As Reglois said, the Share My Story forum requires ten posts to access and the ten posts don't have to be new topics, they can be replies to your previous topic or anyone else's topic too.
I hope AS will be a supportive part of your plan to recover from the bad things that happened to you.
With support,
Activist Ally
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Hi, everyone. My name is Kate and I'm new here.
I'm not really sure what to put here, except I've been feeling pretty alone and confused and this seems to be a safe place to write and talk to some people with common ground.
I'm 18 but my birthday's coming up, I go to college right now as a freshman pre law student, and everything that's happened was pretty recent, only a couple of months ago actually so I'm still kind of managing everything that's been going on. I think this type of support is going to be good.
I'm very friendly and open and I love giving advice and supporting people, so (even though I'm not entirely sure how everything on the site works or exactly what the etiquette here is) any time someone wants to comment or send me a private message or something I'd be really glad to chat at any time, especially more people my own age.
Good luck to all of you, I hope you're all doing well and like I said, I'd be here for anyone who might need an ear!
Hi Kate!
Thank you for making an introduction! I'm glad you found AS (After Silence) and I hope being a member here will help you feel less alone in a safe way.
I'm so sorry for what happened a few months ago. You're very strong and brave to have kept managing even in the face of that!
I am a member of the New Member Support Team and so I wanted to let you know if you have any questions or need anything to please feel free to let me know (my PM (personal message) box is always open!
With support,
Activist Ally
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Hi!
It sounds like you've been through a terrible time with all those awful things having happened.
I totally understand wanting to get more support from other survivors and so I'm glad you've found AS (After Silence) which I hope will be a safe and supportive place to help meet your needs.I look forward to getting to know you better and wanted to let you know I'm here to help in any way I can.
Activist Ally
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I'm young, but not too young to know what happened to me is wrong. I will not share all quite yet, but I will eventually. For now, I'm knew here and I just wanted to make my first post...I really wish things were different, that sights like this didnt have to exist, but they do. I'm not sure of myself, not able to work through this alone anymore. I feel so isolated, I needed to find a place to share my anguish, to know I'm not alone.
This is my first post. Thank you for reading.
Hi FinallySpeakingOut,
I'm sorry that you've been through something although you are young. I wish things were different too but since these things do happen I'm glad that you found us and I hope belonging here will help you not feel so isolated and alone.
Welcome to AS (after silence)!
Activist Ally
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Just really need to talk,need to be heard. Need to listen, so I don't feel alone.
You can talk here and the members will hear you. You're welcome to listen to and just hang out. You're not alone.
Welcome to AS (after silence). I'm part of the New Member Support Team so if I can help or answer any questions please let me know.
With support,
Activist Ally
This Whole Thing Was My Fault
in Public: Welcome!
Posted
Hi Sarah,
I'm so sorry to hear that you were hurt so badly not long ago. Those were crimes committed against you and it was not your fault. You were not to blame for anyone treating you so cruelly.
I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm glad you found our website AS (After Silence) and that you had the courage to introduce yourself here. Remember, no matter what wicked things those criminals did to hurt you that you are still a worthwhile and valuable person. Your friends here at AS will be with you every step of the way on the road to healing.
All strength and courage to you,
Activist Ally