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alp

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Posts posted by alp

    A 42 Year Old Newbie To Non-silence

    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted

    Hi Erica

    I am 45 and just recently starting to deal with my past, took me a long time to even get here !

    I too wonder if the pain goes away. I think I have learn to deal with it, some days better than others. The pain may lessen but is always there - at least for me. I am trying to move past the pain and enjoy what I do have in my life (my wonderful children).

    I hope you find much support here, I know I have.

    Anna

    Hi, I'm New

    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted · Edited by alp

    hi. You are so very not alone in your feelings. I too so very much separate intimacy from love. I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a wonderful man. I used to look at, flirt, talk to ..... men all the time. It was almost like a need that I had to fullfill, regardless of me being in a relationship. Although my intent was never to hurt the man I was with, my desire to be found attractive to other men was very strong. We have had several break ups over the past 4 years and the first thing I did was find a man to be with, did not matter if I even really liked him. I found it very very easy to separate sex from any emotions.

    I finally realized, after much soul searching, that this was self destructive behavior (maybe a repercussion of my past abuse). Self destructive behavior can take many forms (drugs, alcohol) - for me it was men. I will not lie and say I still do not have those tendancies, I do. But, I am honest with myself and with my partner and I will tell him when I start to feel a need to "stray". He is very supportive of me. Laslty, I think I have realized that I am a good, beautiful person who does not need a man to define her. This is a hard one for me as I so want acceptance from men (again, reprecussion from my past). But, I know how to stop and not cross those lines again.

    So, your feelings are not uncommon at all.

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