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AstridB

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Posts posted by AstridB

    Sexist Remarks

    in Public: Feedback Dropbox

    Posted

    Many times I don't even know who are male and female here because we can't see gender. I know of a few males and I really value their input and encouragement in the group. They are great members and I hope they always feel comfortable here.

    As I am further along in my healing, I can understand many of the sexist comments and have empathy for those making them. However, as a survivor of a female rapist I have problems with being lumped into the "perp" box by people who share the same gender as my own rapist. I know that some people may not understand how I can empathize while simultaneously feeling invalidated or accused on the basis of gender, but I think that most survivors here can understand why it would be problematic. It may be harder for those in the majority here to understand it, but I do know that many try and that means a great deal.

    I won't lie, sexist remarks are very hurtful - especially given that they tend to come from those who share the same gender as my own rapist. I understand it, but I don't have to condone it as I know it would not be condoned openly if the genders were switched.

    I think when victims make sexist comments it's because they are angry or scared, but mainly trying to protect themselves. It isn't healthy, and we should all feel encouraged to help that person heal and realize their sexism is holding them back from regaining a positive outlook on life.

    :flowers:

    That is exactly how I see it. Recognize the underlying cause, gently point it out as a symptom and help the survivor to transcend the sexism. Let's not use statistical games to justify sexism and further wound other survivors as if they are guilty by association. Instead, let's help the survivors know that sexism can be overcome, rather than excusing it on the basis of shared gender.

    I am glad that you feel comfortable expressing your feelings instead of getting angry or running away from the situation. I can understand where you are coming from when you explain it all.

    My abuser was sexist. It was a male, and he said and did many sexist things.. even my therapist said he is "misogynistic." I am not sure if it was his background, his culture, his up bringing. IDK. I know sexism hurts, and I know all sexist males are not rapists. But I don't think I am sexist as a result of what he did. I understand how sexism hurts people. I have experienced it myself a few times in life, and it made me feel so invalidated and misunderstood.

    I think the people who are sexist are just really scared and have never been treated well by the opposite sex... but by the same coin, they may not be giving the opposite sex a fair chance to treat them well. It is a very difficult area of abuse, but I think we agree that it is a symptom of fear, mistrust, and PTSD. It's not a positive view to take into the world and it's preventing healing for them and others here.

    Sexist Remarks

    in Public: Feedback Dropbox

    Posted

    Many times I don't even know who are male and female here because we can't see gender. I know of a few males and I really value their input and encouragement in the group. They are great members and I hope they always feel comfortable here.

    I think when victims make sexist comments it's because they are angry or scared, but mainly trying to protect themselves. It isn't healthy, and we should all feel encouraged to help that person heal and realize their sexism is holding them back from regaining a positive outlook on life.

    :flowers:

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