A few weeks later, I was spending the night with a friend. My cell phone went off. I had a text from Gabe, inviting me to a party. I explained that I was at a friend's house. Told my friend he was inviting us to a party. My friend said she would love to go but had church in the morning. I was not Christian, so her family already anticipated me sleeping in past their worship. She said she could drop me off, and ask him to bring me home when the party was over. He agreed. (I had never once been under the influence of alcohol once in my life at this point)
As I was being dropped off, I noticed no cars in the driveway. Only Gabe and his friend standing on the porch with beers in hand. I asked, "what happened to the party?" They both snickered. Gabe said, "Well, we ran out of beer so, everyone left..." My friend gave me a look of annoyance, and said, "Are you gonna stay here, or not?" Gabe responded for me and said, "I'll drop her off later,"
I was an idiot and thought he wanted to spend time with me so bad that he'd go out of his way for me.
I walked into his friend's house. They took me into his friend's room....showed me pictures on the wall. Gabe started to explain them to me. Hot girls..."this girl was someone I thought about dating, but she was too vain..." and "this girl was hot until i realised her parents were assholes." and then, he turned to me and said, "I never really thought i would be interested in you....but then my friends told me you were cute. i didn't see it at first, but after hearing it, I guess I kinda started to see it." Made me feel like I should be lucky to be seen as cute.
His friend then said, "well, I am going to bed." and kicked us out of his room. We walked together into an empty living room. I said to Gabe, "I guess I should go back then..." He proceeded to lay down on a sofa....as he did so he used his leg to kick the back of my knees forcing me to fall back on him onto that sofa. Then, immediately started fondling my chest and butt. I stiffened...I felt so insulted from the previous comments that were meant as compliments.
I tried to back away. I told him I wanted to go home...my exact words were, "You want to have sex now, don't you?" He never spoke back in words, just his eyes...which told me yes, I responded by saying, "You know I'm not a virgin, but I trusted you. You said this was a party, and you lied to me." His response was, "I told you all guys will lie to get what they want. Guess what, I'm a guy."
I was pissed. I told him I would scream. He had an answer for that. "My friend's mom is the only one here. She loves me. If you scream, she'll think youre a sl*t. If you tell anyone they'll all agree you're a sl*t. How about your family? They love me, if you call them now, how will you explain being here?"
I told him I wanted to go home. My friend didn't have a cell phone. She was counting on him being my ride home. I could only call the cops or my parents...He knew this.
He told me if I wanted to leave, those were my options. Also, that if I cried for help, I would lose my whole reputation.
He told me to be quiet. He grabbed my throat. He pushed me onto the cold tile of the doorway with one hand against my throat and the other hand pulling down my skirt. He made me promise to be quiet or else he would shame me.
He raped me. And, as I began to cry without control, he became angry. He told me I better enjoy it. I cried harder. He covered my mouth with his and and took me outside. Took me out to the yard of his friend. As I felt less scared of awakening others, I started crying shamelessly. He was angry, the harder I cried, the more he enjoyed his hurt of me.
I remember the fear. I remember the mental distortion that made me feel responsible for my rape.
I see him now....a few times a year....some people don't believe me.
It's not as hurtful to remember my rape, as it is to know that some people really think I would lie about it. WHY LIE? I haven't seen this man in 14 years. But, he just so happens to be a "regular" where I work. Why the fuck would I lie?