[Hello Everybody]

All of you for your reply. I feel welcome.

Thank you .

Hi aleo64 and welcome to AS. I understand all to well about hope. That is one of the things that keeps me going (especially in therapy). The hope that there is something better and that I will find some kind of resolution in all of this. Again, welcome.

Take care,

Kaylee

[Hello Everybody]

Thank you .

Hi aleo64 and welcome to AS. I understand all to well about hope. That is one of the things that keeps me going (especially in therapy). The hope that there is something better and that I will find some kind of resolution in all of this. Again, welcome.

Take care,

Kaylee

[Hello Everybody]

I have been reading the other postings, and the first thing I noticed was that everybody is so nice almost to the point to be annoying. It is like I need to get to the bottom of different emotions and sentiments and process them in my way up from the state I have been living all my life,shame and guilt. On the other hand I recognize regarless of anything, we deserve to be treated with love,respect, dignity and I understand that is what motivates everybody to be so supportive and anxious to give love because that is what we did not have before and what we want in return.

Having said that, I will tell you about me. I have HIV, I was sexually abused when I was five or six years old, I am a male. I have been in therapy for the last two years and finally beginning to feel the sense of hope. I know haviing HIV is a bad thing but it does not compare to been abused. I can take a medication and keep going on but after I was abused, it destroyed my life. At 43, I am trying to understand what happened to me, not to be affraid when people look at me and trying to enjoy life at its fullest as it was suppose to be in the first place when it was taking away from me. I have 3 children and I will do whatever it takes to prevent as much as I can the same happenes to them. It took me 38 years or so to realize that I am not a worthless human being, that all the moments I did not succed, was because this shame was eating me alive inside all the time. I, on purpose, have been to destroying myself in every aspect of my life. I do not have a job, loosing the house where I live, no marriage, my children are not with me. I have to re-built myself and I am beginning to have hope which is the most valuable treasure for me right now.