Hello from one survivor to another

[angelsliveon]

Hello friends, 

I am a survivor of CSA from a true psychopath parent. I used to think I had a normal childhood and in fact told my first therapist as much. After many years of CBT, she recommended I find a trauma specific therapist in addition to seeing her. After seeing both of them for several years... the memories started to come out. It has been a journey. A long, painful journey. But, I am in a much better place mentally than I ever was. I am finally starting to feel free from the baggage and nagging feelings of disgust, shame, etc.

But, it does still hurt and there is a lot to grieve. I've gone to different trauma themed groups, but you can't ever actually say the trauma that hurt you. It's all just to triggering for most people. And, like, I get it. But, it hurts so much to be told that the trauma I went through is TOO much to even describe to someone else.

So, thank you for "sitting with me" and giving space for sharing. One day I will share my story. 

[ShyUnicorn]

Hi @angelsliveon  I am sorry you experienced so much but I’m glad you’re here now. Your story will be heard. I hope that being able to finally share it will lift some of the weight you have had to carry. 
💐

ShyUnicorn
 

[Little Warrior]

@angelsliveon I've read that it can be healing to tell your trauma to someone else — that grief needs a witness. But for me, that’s always been really hard. I think what’s held me back the most is not wanting to hurt others. I worry the details might be too heavy, even for someone trained to listen. I imagine it could make them sad or angry, and that thought makes me pull back. So for a long time, I just kept it all inside.

 

Lately, I’m starting to learn that while my story might be hard for some to hear, if I lived through it and survived, others can hear it and survive too. And maybe — just maybe — it could even help them, the same way hearing other survivors’ stories has helped me. Sometimes those stories make me sad or angry, but they also make me feel less alone, more understood, believed, validated, and hopeful for brighter days ahead.

 

I hate that any of us were ever hurt, but I’m so thankful we’ve found our way here to this space — together.

[missfrier]

Dear angelsliveon

 

Welcome to After Silence!!

 

I'm sorry for what you have been through. I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud. Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted. It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well. Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

 

I am sending you lots of safe hugs!

 

Take care!

[mermaidfairy]

Hi @angelsliveon,

I am so sorry you had to endure that painful journey. I barely started my process  to heal  it gives me hope of finding myself a community who understands this type of pain. I don't feel so alone anymore and I hope you feel the same way as you continue your journey, you are not alone and what ever you decide to share it will be heard.

Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes 

Sincerely,

Mermaid Fairy 

[VioletBloom]

@angelsliveon Welcome, from one new comer to another. I haven’t been here a week and it has already helped so much. I hope it does the same for you.

I know the shameful feelings that make you feel like no one could understand or hear it. And some wont but here those who can will lend an ear.

You’re not alone. Sitting with you (*not a hugger myself ) 💜🌺

[MeBeMary]

Hi angelsliveon,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am so sorry for the childhood trauma you've endured. It was unfair and undeserved. It's also understandable that you had always thought it to be normal. As a child...what else did you know? Normal is what you learned it to be. 

I'm glad that you are finding yourself in a better mental place. I know how hard it can be...and to overcome. Trying is the best option. I'm glad you have been. 

Your trauma WAS too much, but you are allowed to share here...as much or as little as you like...and when you like. There is no timeline. We just ask if you believe it to be difficult for some, just add a trigger warning, but others will be willing to respond. 

I'm glad you decided to reach out. I wish you the best as you continue your journey. 

Mary

[bart27830]

Hi, @angelsliveon. Welcome to the forum. I find this place open and safe. I'm sure you will be heard here.