CSA survivor still working through it even now

[rabbitprotectsme]

Hi. My trauma is not acute, though this particular current resurgence is. The core of it has been with me for a very long time. I'm going through a positive but drastic life change that's triggering resurfacing of unprocessed memories and emotions. (Which has been a surprise. I didn't think I had any left.) I need to talk about this with people who understand. I've shared my story with others before, I'm not all that shy about it, maybe part of that is how long it's been, part of it is I used to be able to distance myself from it while talking about it, in any case responses I've gotten have ranged from "I'm sorry you had to go through that and that's all I can say because I can't relate" to "you made it all up and all your problems that you claim stem from it are entirely your own fault and you're a bad person and should be ashamed." No one, not even a therapist, has ever actually understood. No one has ever been able to see how something like this can keep affecting someone for so long in so many different ways. Despite my willingness to speak out about it, living with this has been so isolating, and I'm just at my limit. I can't be alone with this anymore.

[bart27830]

Hi @rabbitprotectsme. Welcome to the forum. I'm new here as well. I can relate to your problems. My abuse has been lasting from 15 to 18 years old, I'm 40 now and my whole life in between has been affected. Despite getting over it on intellectual level I still haven't processed this emotionally. Hence constant depression, dissociation, no self esteem, lack of social skills. I'm sorry life has put you in this place. I hope opening on this forum will alleviate some of the pain. Take care!

[ActivistAlly]

hello @rabbitprotectsme

Sounds like you've felt isolated with this for a long time so I hope you can find people who relate with you here to support you as you journey through life.  I hope that the positive changes in your life that have triggered this desire to process long buried emotions is a sign that you are feeling safer and can heal parts of yourself that still hurt and are in need of care.  You certainly deserve compassion and caring treatment and are not a bad person who made things up.  We believe you.

Welcome to AS (After Silence).

ActivistAlly

[awi]

@rabbitprotectsme Welcome to this safe place of healing.  Know that you are not alone. I believe you. Keeping you company during this part of your journey

[ShyUnicorn]

Hi @rabbitprotectsme I am sorry that circumstances have given you reason to be here, but hopefully this place will help. I know first hand how trauma can impact life decades later and how memories can resurface when we least expect it. I hope that you will find the same acceptance and support that I have found in my short time here. 
Your trauma and struggles are valid. 
I believe you.

ShyUnicorn

[missfrier]

Dear rabbitprotectme

 

Welcome to After Silence!!

 

I'm sorry for what you have been through. I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud. Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted. It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well. Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

 

I am sending you lots of safe hugs!

 

Take care!