Hi, csa and sa survivor here

[Siobhan_]

I am 45f, and I am a survivor of sexual assault and abuse in my teenage years and early twenties. I have been in therapy for several years by now, but healing has been slow and arduous out of different reasons. I still have periods of time when I am struggling a lot with what happened. Nevertheless, things have changed to the better, especially over the last year, I am happy to say.

I am glad to be here. 😊

[Siobhan_]

@PlumSundae , thank you, I appreciate your kind reply.  

[MeBeMary]

Hi Siobhan,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for all the abuses you suffered thru. It wasn't deserved, fair, or right. Nobody has the right to hurt you. Good news is you have found a supportive community with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone.

Healing can be long and winding road, it is true. Struggles do seem to pop up at moments when you think you are fine. All we can hope for is to work at making the struggles less impactful and having more good days than bad. It sounds so easy, doesn't it? I wish it were that easy.

One step is reaching out to others who understand and can relate. None of us deserve to be here, but I am glad we have each other to walk this path of healing together.

Feel free to look around, interact where you are comfortable doing so, and know you are welcome here.

Mary

[Siobhan_]

@MeBeMary , thank you so much! What you say about the struggles is so true. And I am glad to have found this community, thank you for making me feel welcome! 

[selkiespot]

Welcome, @Siobhan_. You've come to a good place for healing.

[WannaMoveOn]

On 6/6/2025 at 1:25 PM, Siobhan_ said:

I am 45f, and I am a survivor of sexual assault and abuse in my teenage years and early twenties. I have been in therapy for several years by now, but healing has been slow and arduous out of different reasons. I still have periods of time when I am struggling a lot with what happened. Nevertheless, things have changed to the better, especially over the last year, I am happy to say.

I am glad to be here. 😊

 

 

Hello Siobhan_ and welcome to AS! I am Wanna

I am glad to hear that you've been able to heal, you deserve to be happy and unbound by trauma. Healing is a rocky road, and sometimes, we feel like we're spinning in circles. But we can remind each other, that things can get better, and that we are not alone. That is what AS is for, a support system to back us up along the way. I am glad you've joined us, as I believe every survivor could use a place like this one. 

This is a safe spot for survivors, where you can share (what you'd feel comfortable to), find support and a place to vent. You can talk about basically anything here, trauma-related or just plain life.

Take care, 

W

Please know, we believe you. I am here if you'd have questions, need some assistance with the site, or a little chat. I am just one PM away. 

[Siobhan_]

@WannaMoveOn , thank you so much for your welcome, I really appreciate that. Yes, healing has definitely happened, and I totally agree that it is a rocky road, and you are absolutely right about feeling like we are spinning in circles. And a big thank you for saying you believe me. Hearing that really matters, I believe. 

[Siobhan_]

@selkiespot , thank you for the welcome, I am glad to be here.  

[WannaMoveOn]

10 hours ago, Siobhan_ said:

@WannaMoveOn , thank you so much for your welcome, I really appreciate that. Yes, healing has definitely happened, and I totally agree that it is a rocky road, and you are absolutely right about feeling like we are spinning in circles. And a big thank you for saying you believe me.

10 hours ago, Siobhan_ said:

Hearing that really matters, I believe. 

 

Any time! Yes, hearing that can make a huge difference. So often, survivors feel like they have to prove themselves and that nobody is going to believe them anyway. Here, we are quite the opposite, we believe you without any proof needed. Your word matters here. 

I hope you'll find some comfort in this place. I am so happy you've already healed. We welcome survivors, wherever they might be at in their healing journey. 

W

[Siobhan_]

@WannaMoveOn , this is definitely true. I did not have to prove anything in my first incident because several of the perpetrators were caught in the act. But what happened in my twenties was completely different, and I believe I am responsible for some of it, in a way. Even if not, it does not change that you are forced through the motions of 'what did you wear', 'was it consensual', 'did you drink alcohol', 'have you always been a sl*t', or whatever nonsense people can come up with. It is awful, and just being in a place where you do not get this is a huge relief. Thank you for that.

Yes, some healing has happened I am very happy to say. Not everything is good, really not. But I am safe and get support from my family and in therapy.  

[Siobhan_]

@PlumSundae , thank you for saying that!

[missfrier]

Dear siobhan

 

Welcome to After Silence. I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much. Everyone is so caring and supportive here. I am proud of you for reaching out. I know that is hard to do. I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community. Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

[Siobhan_]

@missfrier , thank you so much. I am glad to be here, and also like the friendly and compassionate atmosphere you can feel when reading in the forum.  

[missfrier]

On 6/9/2025 at 8:52 AM, Siobhan_ said:

@missfrier , thank you so much. I am glad to be here, and also like the friendly and compassionate atmosphere you can feel when reading in the forum.  

Your very welcom3    sure friendly and  com passionate  here    

[WannaMoveOn]

On 6/8/2025 at 8:47 PM, Siobhan_ said:

@WannaMoveOn , this is definitely true. I did not have to prove anything in my first incident because several of the perpetrators were caught in the act. But what happened in my twenties was completely different, and I believe I am responsible for some of it, in a way. Even if not, it does not change that you are forced through the motions of 'what did you wear', 'was it consensual', 'did you drink alcohol', 'have you always been a sl*t', or whatever nonsense people can come up with. It is awful, and just being in a place where you do not get this is a huge relief. Thank you for that.

Yes, some healing has happened I am very happy to say. Not everything is good, really not. But I am safe and get support from my family and in therapy.  

I am happy to hear your family is on your side, that means a lot - I would know. Yes, society tends to believe the perp and blame the victim. Here at AS, we believe you! 

[Siobhan_]

@WannaMoveOn , thank you, my healing journey was only possible because I have had this support from those who really matter to me. Blaming myself was something that I have been doing a lot about the things that happened in my 20s, and there is a part of our family that would happily chime in. But they do not matter anymore, I have no contact to them. They also had a hand in things that happened when I was much younger, so no. Thank you for believing me, it matters, and I appreciate this a lot!

[WannaMoveOn]

On 6/11/2025 at 7:10 AM, Siobhan_ said:

thank you, my healing journey was only possible because I have had this support from those who really matter to me. Blaming myself was something that I have been doing a lot about the things that happened in my 20s, and there is a part of our family that would happily chime in

Breaking up with family is hard, I know that personally. But once we distance ourselves from the toxic sources to our doubts, we are allowed to heal and grow.

[Siobhan_]

@WannaMoveOn , you are absolutely right! I am not the only one in my family with a history of csa and avoiding this toxic side of the family made a huge difference and things definitely changed to the better for us.

[Kaffa]

I glad you're here as well. I can't say much in words of wisdom or support but I saw the title of you post and I relate, thank you for sharing