A quick hello -

[Torbear]

Any introduction feels a bit clumsy, especially in this context, but I suppose just a few words to make my debut will suffice. 
At the ripe age of 28, I was beginning to find some stability when life got turned up on its head. It seems I am not the only one who did not remember their trauma until very suddenly, years later. I have found this winter to be digging up memories that are hard to stomach; so I understand why I am only now just remembering. 
Much like those who have shared a similar period of remembering, I am wrestling with the same.

Am I losing my marbles? Did this really happen? Why am I remembering now? And how on earth do I slow down the onslaught of these memories tormenting me? Am I an imposter if I call myself a survivor if I haven’t remembered until now?

it feels relieving to know that others are experiencing the same. Even if I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone and this is normal.

That is ultimately what has brought me here. In the earnest pursuit of a supportive community that understands the unfortunate weight I am carrying, that I so desperately want to put down.  

I have never really “tried on” the title of survivor, but -

I am a writer. A poet. An avid reader. A creator of half a dozen mediums. A student always hungry to learn more. A lover of all things green and growing. Especially moss. And trees.

But right now…. I am exhausted. Down to the bone. As I am sure you all understand.

looking forward to connecting with all of you sweet souls. To continuing the love note of “same same same.”
torbear

[MeBeMary]

Hi Torbear. 

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry you've experienced trauma and are now in the midst of remembering what had happened to you. Yes, unfortunately, it is common for many of us to only start regaining memories years later. You are not alone in that. 

Take your time and look around. Know you are surrounded by supportive and understanding people. It does take courage to face those experiences and to reach out. Good job on doing that. 

We have a creativity forum, as many survivors find a sort of inner therapy in the creative arts. If you decide you would like to share any of your artistic talent. The forum is called Healing Through Creativity. 

I wish you the best, as you begin journey down this healing path.

Mary

[systemsb]

3 hours ago, Torbear said:

Any introduction feels a bit clumsy, especially in this context, but I suppose just a few words to make my debut will suffice. 
At the ripe age of 28, I was beginning to find some stability when life got turned up on its head. It seems I am not the only one who did not remember their trauma until very suddenly, years later. I have found this winter to be digging up memories that are hard to stomach; so I understand why I am only now just remembering. 
Much like those who have shared a similar period of remembering, I am wrestling with the same.

Am I losing my marbles? Did this really happen? Why am I remembering now? And how on earth do I slow down the onslaught of these memories tormenting me? Am I an imposter if I call myself a survivor if I haven’t remembered until now?

it feels relieving to know that others are experiencing the same. Even if I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone and this is normal.

That is ultimately what has brought me here. In the earnest pursuit of a supportive community that understands the unfortunate weight I am carrying, that I so desperately want to put down.  

I have never really “tried on” the title of survivor, but -

I am a writer. A poet. An avid reader. A creator of half a dozen mediums. A student always hungry to learn more. A lover of all things green and growing. Especially moss. And trees.

But right now…. I am exhausted. Down to the bone. As I am sure you all understand.

looking forward to connecting with all of you sweet souls. To continuing the love note of “same same same.”
torbear

Don't worry torbear you're not alone. Youre not losing your marbles. I didnt remember until i was 17. I'm sorry it hit you so late when you finally feel like everything's going okay. Welcome to AS. Sitting with you here for you. 

[awi]

Hi, Welcome to this safe place of healing.  I remembered in my 30's.  There is no set time for this to happen. I was told by a person in a chat here in her 50's that memories happen when we are safe enough to start dealing with the trauma and starting the healing process.  Know that you are not alone.  You have not lost your mind.  This is what realizing feels like to start with.  It makes us see everything in the past under a different light which can be tough.  It is a road you don't need to walk alone.  I found being part of a survivor group the most important and second starting therapy with a T who is specialized, has experience and is a good fit.  After all these years I can say I feel no shame nor blame for the abuse I was subjected to.  I have built new relationships that are healthy and keep part of the family of origin out of my life.  It took years for me to manage to do this.  There is no time set to heal.  Sometimes it seems slow and eternal and at others it is fast where you want to slow down.  Keeping you company during this part of your journey.

[WolfMoon]

Welcome, Torbear! I'm so sorry for what brought you here. I hope you will find the support and safety you need here. We are all here for you, you are not alone. 

Btw, when I started reading your post I thought "a writer maybe?" and I was right haha. And I looove trees and moss and everything green too. 

Looking forward to connecting with you as well. Don't hesitate to reach out anytime. If you ever want to talk to someone, you can also pm me. 

You are very brave. You're already taking a step towards healing by joining this community. 

Sending my support 

[old-pear]

Hi, Torbear,

I am a total newbie , but please let offer my words of support. Please take a gentle care.

[WannaMoveOn]

Hello @Torbear and welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna

I am glad you decided to come here, since I believe every survivor should have a community. 

We welcome survivors at wherever they might be at in their journey, and together, we create a safe spot to vent our thoughts, exchange advice and overall feel less alone. As someone who enjoys writing too, putting my feelings into posts has helped a lot over the years. 

I hope you'll find the additional support you need and deserve here. Please know, we believe you

Just throw me a PM if you'd have questions, need assistance or just a little chat.  

W

[Torbear]

On 3/12/2025 at 8:25 PM, MeBeMary said:

Hi Torbear. 

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry you've experienced trauma and are now in the midst of remembering what had happened to you. Yes, unfortunately, it is common for many of us to only start regaining memories years later. You are not alone in that. 

Take your time and look around. Know you are surrounded by supportive and understanding people. It does take courage to face those experiences and to reach out. Good job on doing that. 

We have a creativity forum, as many survivors find a sort of inner therapy in the creative arts. If you decide you would like to share any of your artistic talent. The forum is called Healing Through Creativity. 

I wish you the best, as you begin journey down this healing path.

Mary

@MeBeMary thank you for your kind response and well wishes… I love that there’s a creative space to share here, I will definitely check that out!

[Torbear]

@systemsb thank you for sitting with me 

[Torbear]

@awi thank you for your words of hope and wisdom… I imagine I have a long journey ahead but it is comforting to know that I am not alone and that these feelings/ thoughts are normal 

[Torbear]

@WolfMoon ah a fellow tree and moss lover!! Yes yes I am very much a writer… thank you for reading. And for sharing your sweet words and extending your friendship  I am sorry for what has brought you here but I am grateful to connect with a kind soul

[Torbear]

@WannaMoveOn thank you for your kind words… it fills me with hope to have such a welcoming and supportive community. Thank you