Hi New and looking forward to have a bit of a handholding here

[Steele_moss]

I am a 40 year old woman, when I was 22 and while at the university i had to suffer SA by a fellow student. I have reported it immediately to the woman in charge at the Uni and she stared me down(scared me) and told me there's nothing they can do to help me. I buried it deep down since and forgotten about it altogether. Fast forward, moving through the motions of life and corporate career, like it never happened until i couldn't really do life anylonger . A few months ago, something brought all the memories back as i was speaking with a friend about university experiences and come to the conclusion that it was not supposed to be that way at all. That i should have been supported and helped. Now i started the conversations again with the Uni(same people are still there) and there are days in which i feel like it's happening all over again in the present moment. I have been trying to find a fitting therapist, so far very little success. I was wondering if anyone here went through a similar phase in life and would like to know how you handled it. Thank you

[MeBeMary]

Hi Steele_moss.

Welcome to AfterSilence. I'm very sorry for what you experienced at university. It is a shame that sometimes these institutions rather protect their reputations than to even consider what is reported and how to help these individual students...or at the very least, investigate. You are right, you should have been supported and helped. I'm sorry you weren't. 

You will find this a very supportive community with many understanding and kind members. All will relate in the overall struggle that this aftermath can be, with many who have experienced similar school traumas...unfortunately statistics do go up in occurrence at places of higher learning. It adds to the shame these places should carry for not only not supporting you, but actually condoning assaults, which is what this lack of action truly is. 

If you are in the U.S., you can try RAINN's tool to help find local help for things like therapy (individual or group). You can find this page here: https://centers.rainn.org/ . You will only enter a few pieces of general information, and they will list what is in your area. 

Our community may not be therapy, but you certainly can find benefits here interacting with others who understand. 

Feel free to look around. I wish you the best as you navigate this path we call healing.

Mary

[SakuraHikari]

Hi, Steele_moss. I'm truly sorry that you had to live such horrible experience. If you allow me, I would love to hold your hand virtually. I'm not sure if this can be of help for my experience is that I was SA when I was a child by my father & as an adult by an ex-boyfriend. However, I feel I can relate for last year in January it felt like it was all happening again the present.One of the things that has helped me is doing breathing exercises morning, afternoon and night as well as grounding exercises where I touch, see, hear things to help me come back to the present when something triggers me. I also started therapy and went to webinar by Saprea, a non-profit organization which truly helped me feel validated and supported: https://saprea.org/healing-webinar/?utm_source=mended_light&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=2023

Although the webinar is designed for adult survivors of child sexual abuse, you can find a lot of free resources on their site.

The journey is still going but I feel so grateful knowing that I'm taking steps to take care of myself, also doing things that make me happy again such as singing and dancing. 

Although my emotions sometimes feel so strong, I see now there's a light and there are people who understand and believe me. In this big Universe I have faith. 

I hope this can be of help & I am sending you peace Light, Peace and Love from my heart.  💛🙏

 

 

[Steele_moss]

Thank you SakuraHikari  for your kindness and compassion. Yes I accept the virtual handholding, wholeheartedly. I will look into the link you've shared. 

Part of me wants to have the University to acknowledge what has happened and the role they played in leading up to the event. Still today, they did not provide me with an investigation report despite my asking in written form these days. They are sticking to the institutional cowardice and I asked them to rise above that to courage!

 

I dont know what else to do. I do not really want to go ahead and press criminal charges against them and make me a poster child in return. So any ideas/suggestions on getting a response would be highly appreciated.It's part of my healing journey to ensure the responsible people stay accountable.