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[EnoughSilence]

Hello, I am 40 year old male who sufferred sexual abuse as a kid more than once. I finally had the courage and pain to speak up. It has affected my marriage and I dont know where I stand at the moment. For the first time I spoke out loud about my abuse to my wife and therapist this week! My marriage is probably beyond repair due to my trauma and sexual issues, I am also at the moment without a job, not close to family in a different city and country.
 

I am getting ready to talk it all the way through for the first time ever on my next session on Monday and my mind is going crazy. 
thank you

Edited January 5 by EnoughSilence

[Gol]

Are you worried? That's understandable. There's so many unknowns with starting therapy. I'm glad you're looking for help.

[MeBeMary]

Hi EnoughSilence,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the abuse you endured as a child. It is wrong for anyone to hurt another. Hurting a child is beyond acceptable, yet it happens. I'm sorry you know this. You have found a community of individuals that are here to support you. You are not alone. 

The struggles associated with trauma can be vast and long-lasting. I am sorry this has caused issues with your marriage, but perhaps therapy and working thru some of these struggles will help your relationship with your wife. I guess time will tell, won't it? Be proud of yourself for taking this step tho. It is huge and facing the past is so very brave. 

Feel free to look around the site. Jump in and interact with others where you feel comfortable in doing so. 

Wishing you the best on this path we call healing.

Mary

[EnoughSilence]

I am afraid of all the unknowns and to actually heal and process all of this that has been in my mind and body for most of my life. I am also very afraid of the implications and the pain and hurt caused to my family too, to my wife. Not knowing what was the problem or why I was not “improving” on my therapy all this time in some areas and now we know but it is all too painful and full of shame and guilt and anger, all of this inside of me.

 

thank for you the welcoming, this is the first time ever I have wrote or reached out on this pain ever in my life, but I do know that I want to heal and live fully as I feel I’ve always lived half or restrained.

[Gol]

It's overwhelming which is understandable. Take your time with it. It would also be healthy to share your regrets with someone you trust or slowly reflect on it though it's up to you. Good for taking the first step

[WannaMoveOn]

On 1/5/2025 at 1:57 AM, EnoughSilence said:

Hello, I am 40 year old male who sufferred sexual abuse as a kid more than once. I finally had the courage and pain to speak up. It has affected my marriage and I dont know where I stand at the moment. For the first time I spoke out loud about my abuse to my wife and therapist this week! My marriage is probably beyond repair due to my trauma and sexual issues, I am also at the moment without a job, not close to family in a different city and country.
 

I am getting ready to talk it all the way through for the first time ever on my next session on Monday and my mind is going crazy. 
thank you

Hello and welcome to our community! I am Wanna

It sounds like you're battling with a lot of anxiety right now, which makes perfect sense. Opening up unleashes a lot of trauma, and yet it's a needed step in order to move forward in healing. I am proud of you for using your words, only you can make that choice. We have a Sexuality and Relationship forum here, in case you'd like to discuss being in a relationship with ongoing trauma-related issues. We also have an Aftermath-forum, where we discuss how our experiences have affected us. 

Feeling like you're going "crazy" is an experience many survivors share. Our mind is so overloaded, we don't know what it's doing. I hope you can get some advice on that from your therapist.

Please let me know if you'd need any assistance with the site or a small chat. 

All best W ☀️

 

[HiddenHeart]

Hello, @EnoughSilence. 

I hope your appointment went ok on Monday. You have found a community that does understand.

[missfrier]

Dear enoughsilence

 

Welcome to After Silence. I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much. Everyone is so caring and supportive here. I am proud of you for reaching out. I know that is hard to do. I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community. Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.