Hello everyone

[confusedbreadmaker]

Hi everyone

I have just begun therapy to deal with my consistent mood and behavioral problems. I honestly thought these problems were the result of mental illness...then today my therapist asked a question that unlocked some bad memories of bullying as a child. But something felt wrong? After the session I just sat and reflected for a while and then all of a sudden I got hit by awful memories, feelings, actions, and words that I have been in deep denial about. I am not sure if these memories qualify as sexual abuse (or if I am still in denial by even asking that) but I am hoping I could join, read others' experiences, and eventually post my story and seek external opinions because right now I feel crazy. Unfortunately I don't have therapy for another 2 weeks so I am here now I hope everyone is healing!

[MeBeMary]

Hi confusedbreadmaker.

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for all you've been thru...the confusion and the struggles and the uncertainty of what could be. Do know that it is not uncommon to have repressed memories and feelings of something off, especially if it pertains to childhood memories, there usually is. What exactly may take time and patience and the drive to finally face what it could really all mean. You are not crazy. 

You are welcome to look around and interact when you feel ready to. Please know that you will find support, understanding and kindness as you begin to process what needs to be processed. You are not alone.

I wish you the best as you search for and perhaps discover what has happened to you and begin your journey in healing.

Mary

 

[awi]

welcome to this safe place friend. sending gentle thoughts your way. 

[confusedbreadmaker]

Thank you both so far everyone here has been so supportive. It is helpful to know the repressed memories are so common. Many adults present in my childhood were master invalidators and knew how to make me question my perception and memory of an event. So that intertwined with repressed memories just worked to make my denial stronger. But after looking thru these forums I can see how common this is and it makes me feel stronger - if other people can heal and trust themselves, so can I

[snmls]

Welcome @confusedbreadmaker. I'm sorry for the trauma you've experienced, but I'm glad you found this site and decided to join. I'm happy to hear that you are seeing a therapist and talking through things with them. Trauma memories can be very confusing because our brains don't always know how to handle those situations. They try to keep us safe and that can mean that memories can get locked away and reappear years later. Please know that you are not crazy, and that many trauma survivors go through a similar process. You are welcome to post on the site whenever you feel comfortable. Reading other posts may also help you identify and validate your feelings. We are all here to support each other. 

[WannaMoveOn]

On 12/9/2023 at 3:36 AM, confusedbreadmaker said:

Hi everyone

I have just begun therapy to deal with my consistent mood and behavioral problems. I honestly thought these problems were the result of mental illness...then today my therapist asked a question that unlocked some bad memories of bullying as a child. But something felt wrong? After the session I just sat and reflected for a while and then all of a sudden I got hit by awful memories, feelings, actions, and words that I have been in deep denial about. I am not sure if these memories qualify as sexual abuse (or if I am still in denial by even asking that) but I am hoping I could join, read others' experiences, and eventually post my story and seek external opinions because right now I feel crazy. Unfortunately I don't have therapy for another 2 weeks so I am here now I hope everyone is healing!

Hello and welcome on board, I am Wanna

Opening up to new memories is a tough thing to do, but while it's challenging, it's also crucial for our healing. I am glad you've found a therapist who you seem to get along with. In between sessions, it can be nice to have a place like this. You share what you feel comfortable to, would it be trauma related or just plain life. If you've taken a look at our forums, you may have noticed that we discuss basically anything here. 

It's not unusual to suppress traumatic memories, our brain usually picks for us when they get unleashed. We may feel the timing being inconvenient, but when it happens we have the opportunity to process and progress.

I do hope this place will give you that extra needed comfort. Feel free to contact me or other staff for assistance or some extra support. I am just one PM away. 

All best, W ☀️