Hi, I'm Kimi

[Kimidare]

Hello,

I'm Kimi and I have been in a toxic relationship and abused. It was a little more than 10 years ago.

I'm going better since this early time. But I still feel very lonely with my struggles. The most difficult is that I don't feel I can talk to people about it.
Mental health and this type of "dark topics" still seem taboo. I already received different reactions: judgment, rejection, embarrassment and people trying to ignore me because they don't know what to say. It led me to regret talking and be afraid to do it again, like if society wanted me to stay silent. But it hurts so much...

Even with these experiences, I'm not a black hole of emotions. I like mangas, anime, animals and I'm trying to learn japanese. I also like to test cafes and restaurants, visiting beautiful and peaceful places, reading (mostly fantasy) books, video games.

Recently something happened: another victim of my abuser contacted me. It was more than 10 years ago, so I wasn't expecting this and it's disturbing me a lot. 

 

I hope I will be able to go better here and maybe create some friendships.
Friendships where we can say the truth without fear and without being pressured to do anything.

 

[Sleepographer]

@Kimidare hi and welcome ( :

i'm sorry to hear about what you've been through.

i've been here for about a month and it has been very helpful for me, while i deal with my trauma. people here are very supportive and caring. you can say as little or as much as you want to. -- dark topics are very important topics, but like you described, it can often be hard to find in the world a listening and caring ear. anytime you want to say more, i will listen and help if i can.

since you are learning japanese, are you aware of so-called "pitch-accent"? it would be important to be aware of if you want to sound natural. i'm not learning japanese, but i think it's an interesting language. -- if you wanted to say what your favorite anime is, i would be interested in hearing it.

 

[Six_times_seven]

@Kimidare I am sorry that you experienced trauma, but I am glad you found your way here.  You are always free to interact as little or as much as you want here.  
 

 

[Capulet]

Hello Kimi and welcome to After Silence!

I am so sorry to learn of the circumstances that have led you to our community but I think you will love it here.  I, too, am a survivor of longtime abuse within relationships - it is definitely so very difficult to see while you're still involved.  I didn't start actively dealing with the aftermath until years after the relationship ended.  I guess it's safe to say we will begin to slowly address things when we are ready.  There definitely is not a time limit to healing and it's definitely non-linear!   One step at a time.

Hopefully, you will find connections here - so many community members share in your fears when it comes to talking about past trauma.  

Take care, looking forward to getting to know you.

Best,

- Cap

[Finchy]

Welcome to AS @Kimidare. ❤️ First off, is your username Japanese for "who are you?" If so, it's a very creative username! I'm also learning Japanese. I have been for years, but I'm still...well, not that great haha.

Anyhoo, I'm glad you found your way here. I'm sorry though for what you've experienced. It was cruel and undeserved. But you are in a very supportive place now. You'll meet lots of kind people. Take your time exploring, and I wish you all the best on your healing journey!

-Finchy

[Kimidare]

@Sleepographer  Thanks for your feedback and your help, it's reassuring.

In one of my learning book I saw an example of this "pitch-accent". The example was HAshi (chopsticks) and haSHI (bridge). At least for this one, even without the good prononciation, they should understand that you're not asking for a bridge to eat your food 😄. I didn't know it was called "pitch-accent", thanks to you I have found some interesting videos of other examples.

My favorite anime is Hunter x Hunter. An older anime too: Saiyuuki. And a current one: Boku no hero academia. But there is a lot that I like !
Do you watch some ?

 @Six_times_seven Thank you 🌸

@Capulet I hope you feel better and that you found good relationships along the way 🏵️ take care too.

@Finchy はじめまして。Good guess on my username 😄. Don't worry I'm not great either. Learning by myself is a slow process. If you want to practice, don't hesitate to send me a message. ありがとうございます。

 

 

[Sleepographer]

@Kimidare i saw a good amount of 'hunter x hunter' but i didn't get very into it. i know lots of people love it though. i haven't seen the other two you mentioned. some of my favorite series are berserk(original), cowboy bebop, mushi-shi, death note, attack on titan, and naruto(minus filler episodes). i think i should also mention the original 'legend of galactic heroes' which i found to be deserving of the high respect people give it, even with it's obvious art budget limitations.

i'm glad to hear your book mentions that aspect of spoken japanese. i've heard that it is often not taught to learners, leading to possibly hard to overcome speech habits. it was brought to my attention by watching 'matt vs japan' videos on youtube. his way of thinking in general about learning another language is very interesting.

 

[Finchy]

43 minutes ago, Kimidare said:

 

@Finchy はじめまして。Good guess on my username 😄. Don't worry I'm not great either. Learning by myself is a slow process. If you want to practice, don't hesitate to send me a message. ありがとうございます。

こちらこそ よろしく お願いします!  (I had to use google to get that haha...simply because I don't know how to type in Japanese on my keyboard! How do you do that?) I've learned by myself for years, took 2 years in school, and have relied on Duolingo to learn lately. But even with all that, I'm not that well-versed. Well, I'm good at listening and translating to English, but writing and reading? Not so good...  

Maybe I'll message you some time though!! ❤️ Glad you're here!

[MeBeMary]

Hello Kimi and welcome to the community.

I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured with your ex. It was wrong and unfair to you. Relationships are supposed to be about love, not about abuse. Shame on him for abusing the relationship and you. 

You have found a very supportive community with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone. This is a safe and healthy place where you can share as little or as much as you need too, without fear of judgement. 

I am glad you found us and decided to reach out. I wish you the best as you begin to move forward on your path of healing. 

Mary

 

 

[Dawn76]

@Kimidare Hi Kimi, welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you have been through. You aren't alone.  AS is a great safe space to get support and talk about how you're doing or feeling. There are a lot of wonderful people here. 

[sam30*]

Hi kimi, welcome. I am sorry for what you have been through. I have been through that judgment before and know how hard it is to talk about stuff after something like that happens. I like anime and video games as well. I took 2 years of Japanese but I need a brush up though lol 

[Kimidare]

On 7/20/2023 at 1:08 AM, Sleepographer said:

@Kimidare i saw a good amount of 'hunter x hunter' but i didn't get very into it. i know lots of people love it though. i haven't seen the other two you mentioned. some of my favorite series are berserk(original), cowboy bebop, mushi-shi, death note, attack on titan, and naruto(minus filler episodes). i think i should also mention the original 'legend of galactic heroes' which i found to be deserving of the high respect people give it, even with it's obvious art budget limitations.

i'm glad to hear your book mentions that aspect of spoken japanese. i've heard that it is often not taught to learners, leading to possibly hard to overcome speech habits. it was brought to my attention by watching 'matt vs japan' videos on youtube. his way of thinking in general about learning another language is very interesting.

 

I didn't see half of these animes. I think I will start with Mushi-shi when I will finish my current ones. I really liked  Natsume Yuujinchou and it seems similar.

On 7/20/2023 at 1:31 AM, Finchy said:

こちらこそ よろしく お願いします!  (I had to use google to get that haha...simply because I don't know how to type in Japanese on my keyboard! How do you do that?) I've learned by myself for years, took 2 years in school, and have relied on Duolingo to learn lately. But even with all that, I'm not that well-versed. Well, I'm good at listening and translating to English, but writing and reading? Not so good...  

Maybe I'll message you some time though!! ❤️ Glad you're here!

I'm using Duolingo too 😄 I currently have a 183 day streak ! It's already cool to be able to understand by listening.

On 7/20/2023 at 2:38 AM, MeBeMary said:

Hello Kimi and welcome to the community.

I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured with your ex. It was wrong and unfair to you. Relationships are supposed to be about love, not about abuse. Shame on him for abusing the relationship and you. 

You have found a very supportive community with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone. This is a safe and healthy place where you can share as little or as much as you need too, without fear of judgement. 

I am glad you found us and decided to reach out. I wish you the best as you begin to move forward on your path of healing. 

Mary

 

 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 10:59 AM, Dawn76 said:

@Kimidare Hi Kimi, welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you have been through. You aren't alone.  AS is a great safe space to get support and talk about how you're doing or feeling. There are a lot of wonderful people here. 

Thank you Mary and Dawn. The fact that we're not alone is always so reassuring and sad at the same time.

On 7/27/2023 at 10:49 PM, sam30* said:

Hi kimi, welcome. I am sorry for what you have been through. I have been through that judgment before and know how hard it is to talk about stuff after something like that happens. I like anime and video games as well. I took 2 years of Japanese but I need a brush up though lol 

Hi Sam, I saw you joined recently as well. Welcome to you too. What type of games do you play ?

[sam30*]

1 hour ago, Kimidare said:

 

Hi Sam, I saw you joined recently as well. Welcome to you too. What type of games do you play ?

Thank you 😊. I play mainly RPGs. Let's see..I like final fantasy, Harry Potter, the witcher, sword art online, horizon games like that

[Finchy]

3 hours ago, Kimidare said:

I'm using Duolingo too 😄 I currently have a 183 day streak ! It's already cool to be able to understand by listening.

 

Congrats on the streak! I broke my streak thanks to depression. I had around 230 or so? But then I just didn't feel up to doing any practicing for several days, so I let it go. 😕 Thanks.  I'm sure you're getting really good at it!

[Sleepographer]

@Kimidare i think of mushi-shi as a more-or-less masterpiece. i've seen it more than once. it's a very relaxing show by the way. if you watch it i hope it suits you.