22, married, and a survivor

[Cheyenne00]

Creating those tags is my way of reminding myself that this is real.

It was last year when I told the man that I loved the awful truth about my sexual past, it was something that I had to get off my chest, in return he told me that I had been raped. 

I have never doubted the sexual abuse that I went through when I was 9, but I had to be convinced that I was raped repeatedly by my boyfriend when I was 14. It took even more convincing to believe that I was gang raped a few months later by him along with two other guys who I considered friends. I always looked at it as teenage stupidity for allowing the later stuff to happen, always telling myself that I really "wanted" to do it.

I think it sucks that I have found myself in this after silence place, and yet I am glad I found it at the same time. I was vulnerable, scared, and intimidated for nearly all of those times that I had sex, and for some reason it took me 7 years to say that I was raped. I guess I am no longer silent. 

 

Edited November 30, 2022 by Cheyenne00

[Six_times_seven]

@Cheyenne00 Welcome to AS.  I agree it does suck that a space such as this is even needed, but like you I am also glad that you found it.  This space is full of supportive and caring people who will be able to relate with what you have been through. 

I applaud you for your courage to make these first steps on the healing journey.  

Take your time look around and interact where and when you are comfortable. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Cheyenne and welcome. 

I am very sorry for the abuses you endured and the struggles you have faced. It is never ok for someone to hurt another this way...yet it happens. It was never deserved. It is common, as well, for us to distort our own facts. Acknowledging what happened is truly difficult, yet a brave thing to do. I'm glad you were able to take this step. I am glad you have a supportive partner and now have found our community for even more support. 

Feel free to look around the community and interact where you feel the most comfortable. Wishing you the best on this journey we call healing.

Mary

[S_Sundance]

Good morning CheyenneOO, We're glad you found us and we can work through the trauma's together. You're not alone anymore.

[WannaMoveOn]

On 11/30/2022 at 4:20 AM, Cheyenne00 said:

Creating those tags is my way of reminding myself that this is real.

It was last year when I told the man that I loved the awful truth about my sexual past, it was something that I had to get off my chest, in return he told me that I had been raped. 

I have never doubted the sexual abuse that I went through when I was 9, but I had to be convinced that I was raped repeatedly by my boyfriend when I was 14. It took even more convincing to believe that I was gang raped a few months later by him along with two other guys who I considered friends. I always looked at it as teenage stupidity for allowing the later stuff to happen, always telling myself that I really "wanted" to do it.

I think it sucks that I have found myself in this after silence place, and yet I am glad I found it at the same time. I was vulnerable, scared, and intimidated for nearly all of those times that I had sex, and for some reason it took me 7 years to say that I was raped. I guess I am no longer silent. 

 

Welcome on board here! I am Wanna

Not all survivors know what happened right after, especially since society provides a rather stereotypical images of how RA/SA happens. When someone we trusted hurts us that deep, we'd rather not believe it. It's a common coping mechanism, often ending up in us blaming ourselves. 

The thing with consent is, that it doesn't leave question marks. Consent doesn't leave us traumatized. It can take years and even another person telling us, before we realize that what occurred was out of our control. 

This is a safe place for you to heal together with fellow survivors. You decide what to share and when. You own your story, and we believe you! 

I am sincerely sorry for all the pain you've been through, and hoping this site can ease your pain. Feel free to reach out to me for support or for some company. I am just one PM away

/ W ☀️

[missfrier]

Dear Cheyenne 00

 

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.