Hello

[kumamon]

TW 

Hello, I'm 17 years old and signed up here because I feel alone I guess. I was sexually, physically and verbaly abused by my sister from when I was 3-4 until I was around 9-10. I have been diagnosed in the past with depression, eating disorders and psychosis, but got better from all. I currently still struggle with PTSD, OCD, social anxiety and body dysphoria (I am transgender). All of which was caused by the abuse. My sister is still in my life (but we live in different countries), however she isn't really a problem anymore. She's a different person and I don't connect her to the trauma as much. Still, sometimes I really want to tell mom or do something to hurt her back. Make her feel how I do every single day. I want to ask questions, like why she did it, but I'm to affraid she will deny it. A big part of my trauma is doubting it ever happaned. She moved on like nothing happened, so what if it didn't? But I know it did. Hopefully it will help talking to people in similar situations.

[MeBeMary]

Hi kumamon,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you as a child. It was unfair and undeserved. Even if you feel you can disconnect her from the abuse, it doesn't make what happened to you ok. It is always one's individual choice to keep a relationship or not with the abuser, but you obviously still struggle and hurt from what has happened. We are here for you, with understanding and support. 

I do suggest keeping the bigger questions and topic interaction for one of our private forums. There you can talk safely to others about what you are going thru. Don't feel pressured tho and take it at your own pace. 

I am glad you found us and decided to reach out. This is a big step of what is often a very complicated path of healing. I wish you the best. 

Mary

  

[Finchy]

Welcome to AS, @kumamon! I love your username. Is it based on the mascot with the same name?  Anyhoo, I'm glad you found your way here...though I am terribly sorry for what you've experienced. You were just a child. You did not deserve it at all, and none of it was your fault. When something happens to you as a child, it makes sense that you might question if it even happened because our memories don't always form, especially during trauma. But I believe you that it happened...and somehow your sister was able to move on. I'm so sorry again.

You'll find a lot of really kind and supportive people here. You're not alone. ❤️ I wish you all the best. 

-Finch

[goldraindrops]

Welcome, @kumamon.

I am sorry you have a reason to be here, but I am glad you found us.  After Silence is a kind and supportive community full of people who can understand and related to all the issues you're grappling with.  

Many of us knew and should have been able to trust the person who abused us, and we live with the confusion of dealing with them in the present.  It is a common story, unfortunately.  We are here to support you as you work towards your own understanding and healing.

Gold Raindrops

[Mave]

@kumamon Welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry to hear about everything you endured and how it still affects you. You didn’t deserve to deal with that and still have all of these questions. I can understand feeling conflicted and wondering how she could move on like it never happened. I second-guess myself too, especially when everything seems so fine on the other person’s end. We believe you and are here to comfort you, validate you, and help you heal from all that you’ve experienced. You are not alone, and you did not deserve to be treated that way. Please reach out if you need anything. There many kind people on staff and throughout the forum that will be more than happy to help you in whatever way they can. ♥️

[8888]

Welcome @kumamon to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Just because your sister has moved on doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[missfrier]

Dear kumamon

 

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

 

All my best,

missfrier