Just need to talk

[alwayslikethis]

Hello, new here. I was sexually abused as a child and was in a couple of unhealthy sexual relationships during adolescence/early 20s. I was recently sexually assaulted - I think? It was a case of ambiguous consent, but it didn't feel very good at all. I felt very numb immediately afterwards, then ashamed/disgusted/sick. I've been having some flashbacks and struggling to process all my thoughts/emotions. I told some friends and family about it, but they don't seem to understand how it made me feel and I'm not very good at explaining. They laughed about it and told me to move on (not maliciously, I just really don't think they understand). So, I'm just looking for a place to be able to talk openly about how I'm feeling about it. 

[Ellowyn]

Welcome @alwayslikethis. I'm new too and went through childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault as an adult. I've gone from feeling numb to angry. Healing takes time and I've found this site amazing so far.

[missfrier]

Dear alwayslikethis

I would like to welcome you to After Silence's forums.  We are all here for you and want to support you in any way we can. I know that posting for the first time can be scary.  Please don't worry, though; you will always be given so much support from our lovely community and its members.  You're not alone - we are with you.

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please feel free to respond to that PM if you have any questions about the forum or if you need some help finding your way around the site. 

Take care and keep reaching out!! 

 

[snmls]

Hi @alwayslikethis

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry about the trauma you have faced, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This is a safe, caring, and supportive community and we are all here to help each other heal. You can come to the site any time you need support. Sometimes it is easier to share experiences and receive validation from other survivors because we share common experiences and emotions. I'm sorry your friends and family responded the way they did when you told them about your experience. You are welcome to post and share on the site whenever you feel comfortable. I hope you end up finding this site as helpful as I do. Keep reaching out for support. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi always,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the traumatic experiences you have endured. Nobody ever has the right to hurt you. You will find tons of support here, as our members are understanding and kind. It is a safe place here, without judgment or pressure. You are validated...even on the ambiguous consent.

To me, ambiguous is not part of consent. Consent needs to be an firm understanding between two individuals. Consent typically doesn't have you feeling the way you do afterwards, as well. I think you likely feel this already? I know we tend to try to doubt or explain away the circumstances and it makes sense. The truth can be an ugly thing. It is not your fault tho and know you are not alone in this community. We are here for you.

I'm sorry the people you care do not understand. I know it hurts. You are safe here with your thoughts and feelings. Feel free to look around and interact when you feel ready. I wish you many forward steps as you continue down this path of healing.

Mary

 

[8888]

Welcome @alwayslikethis to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.