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Hi, I'm Kiri.... I'm not even sure how to start. I married my husband after 3 months... He pressured me into it. Thinking about it now should have set off red flags.... Over the years, it's been mentally, emotionally, physically abusive and manipulative. Most recently, he tried to choke me to death. It wasn't until I punched him to n the face busting his lip that I got away. I can't go to a shelter because I have a 16 year old son I refuse to leave. More recently, I went out with 2 girl best friends, I was extremely drunk. One of their husbands was the designated driver and got me home. I came in and passed out in bed. I woke up to my husband having sex with me... He said it's not rape if it's your husband.... Is it? I have not said yes in a long time.... I want out but I don't want to hurt anyone.... My son. I'm confused on what to do..... Any advice?

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Welcome @IAMKIRA to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  I recommend you call a domestic violence hotline.  I'm not sure where you live but I will leave a link below that has listings in multiple countries.  


Also, I think there may be a shelter that is willing to take your son as well.  Some shelters allow children plus he is 16 anyway so he is not a young child so that may make it easier.  Yes, it is still rape even if it is your husband.  Marriage doesn't equal consent plus drunk people can't legally consent.  He took advantage of you.  

Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Dear kiri

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,


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Hi Kira,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you are in a domestically violent relationship. I know it is very difficult to leave a relationship, especially with how long you've been in one. As 8888 said, perhaps there is options for you, if you look into it? You deserve to be safe and no worry for you or your son.

Him being your husband does not give him the right to take away your right of consent. You are still a human being, tho I have great difficult in seeing him as one. There is something known as respect and honor in a relationship, and he has dismissed this, along with your consent.

I am sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you have reached out. You will find support and understanding and encouragement. You are not alone. Take your time and look around the site. I wish you the very best as you journey down the path of healing.



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