First time

[Andss]

Hello, 

I originally remembered my sexual abuse about 10 years ago, when I was 18 or 19. It's been rough ever since. I have a lot of trust issues and don't believe there's anyone out there with good intentions.  I've been in and out of therapy but I've never fully been able to speak of it or open up about it. Even as I write this I feel like what I say or how I say it has to be perfect. Like I have to be in control of whats happening. I'm tired of feeling like this and hope that in this forum I can find someone who understands me and can listen to me. I feel lost and alone. 

 

[missfrier]

Dear andss

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[Andss]

I don't really know how to move from a welcome message. If someone would be so kind to tell me their experience with this forum and how it works I would greatly appreciate it. 

[BrightSide]

Welcome @Andss take your time and look around the site. Join in posts that you feel comfortable with or post something of your own if we can help with anything. It can be very overwhelming at first so post as little or as much as you like. We are here for you. 

[8888]

Welcome @Andss to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[snmls]

hi @Andss

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma that brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. You are really welcome to use the forum in whatever what you find best for you. You can access all of the forums (with the exception of the Share your Story forum which unlocks after you post 10 times and the gender specific forums for which you need a password for). You can respond to an already existing thread or start your own if you would like. You are welcome to post and share whenever you feel comfortable. There is not requirement to post if you don't want to, nor is there a limit on how many posts you can make. Just take some time looking around and then jump in whenever you are ready. If you ever have any questions about the site you are always welcome to reach out to any of the members of the newbie support team or the mods. Best wishes. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Andss,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry that you have endured childhood trauma, but do know that you will find tons of support here. You are not alone. Many of us know that trust can be very difficult to give to anyone. We have seen the bad side of people and it makes it so difficult. I have come to the conclusion tho, that there are good people, we just have a tough time trusting ourselves to know who is and who isn't. That is my take, anyway.

I can also identify with trying to be perfect. It is very difficult to let your guard down and just say what you feel. After being here for awhile, I discovered this is the most non-judgmental place I've come across. It has been refreshing for me to feel this. I hope that you see this in time too.

Give yourself to look around, as others have said. Feel free to take your time and interact when you decide the time is right...with postings of your own or responding to others. Also know that there is no pressure to figure this all out asap. You will not be pressured in any way.

I am glad you found us and decided to join. I wish you the best on this path we call healing.

Mary

 

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Andss - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm sorry to hear things have been so hard for you. I understand the need for control and the need for everything to be perfect. I'm the same way! You definitely aren't alone. 

I, too, hope this forum can help you to release some of what you've been holding on to. Hopefully reading the other posts and seeing what other people are going through will help you to see that you don't have to be perfect - especially not here. No one is perfect and we are all just trying to find out way through this struggle. We're here for you 

Keep looking around and post as you feel ready. This is a judgement free zone! If you need anything at all, I'm always here  

Best wishes,
Poppy

[Kashjack]

Oh my gosh I totally get what you're saying. I've been saying my latest therapist for a year. She's absolutely amazing and doesn't rush me but so much of our session each week is me not being able to speak and. Saying the same thing over and over in different ways cos I I want to make sure it's perfect and she understands. 

For me I think it's something to do with if I can make it make sense in a way I couldn't as a kid I might stop it happening. Or because if I can make it make sense in my head it won't hurt on my heart any more