Newbie seeking support

[paigeee]

Hello! This is my first time writing on a forum, so I hope I don't sound too much like a newbie! 

According to my therapist and life experiences, I have a severe case of complex trauma.***So Trigger Warning***

I was raped and sexually abused starting at a young age and leading into my early 20's by people who I trusted, for a span of probably 15 years, but was never believed (victim-blamed) by friends, family, my church, and the school I was attending.

To say the least, I had no desire to live and no one cared. Carrying these burdens while trying to manage daily life struggles and no support group, I definitely hit rock bottom a few times. I surrounded myself with terrible friends that would manipulate and control me and would take advantage of my niceness and always put me down. I thought the cycle would never end. It only took 1 person to believe in me. 1 person who genuinely cared and would just listen. Even then, it took me about a year to open up to my husband about all the abuse, but he continued to be my rock and to seek support and therapy.

I have been going to a therapist for a little over 6 months and feel like I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. I'm scared every night going to bed of what my subconscious will show me next. I don't want my perpetrators to still have this power and control over my life, but it feels impossible to breath when I have flashbacks all the time. 

It has been a long journey and will continue to be a struggle for me for the rest of my life. It is a constant battle every day. I am lucky to have an extremely supportive husband and kitty that help keep me motivated to stay strong, but there are definitely days where I feel powerless, defeated, broken down, dirty, sick to my stomach. What keeps you going?

 I hope I can find some relief in sharing my experiences with all of you and hope I can help in supporting you as well. I look forward to reading all of your stories.

Thank you for reading. XOXO 

[MeBeMary]

Hi paigeee,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you experienced, but you have found a very supportive site. The members are understanding and kind. I am sorry you were not believed. I am glad you have a husband that has been supported. Do know that you are believed and your experience is validated here. Struggles can be hard, but I believe healing is a process that we can succeed with. Facing our past is just as important as fighting for our future. Often times the two intertwine. Take your time and look around. I wish you the very best on your journey of healing.

Mary

 

[pattyr]

Welcome, and I am sorry for all the trauma you have gone through. I'm glad you found that one key support that started making more healing possible. I hope you find even more by taking part in AS. 

[goldraindrops]

Dear Paige,

I'm sorry for the traumas that brought you here, but I think you find many kind and supportive people who can relate to your experiences.  I'm sorry that the people in your life didn't believe you and offer more support.  That is actually a pretty common experience for many of us.

Take your time reading the information that is here and posting when you feel comfortable.  You have found a safe and caring place.

Blessings,

Gold Raindrops

[Kmkz]

Welcome to After Silence paigeee, you've endured a lot and continue to show great strength and courage. I'm glad you have such a supportive husband and fur friend to help keep you motivated and stay strong. When you feel safe and ready the members of this community will be accepting, supportive and understanding. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey. 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Kmkz

[Struggling88]

Hi, paigeee, and welcome! 

[paigeee]

On 12/30/2018 at 12:26 PM, Struggling88 said:

Hi, paigeee, and welcome! 

Thank you!!

[paigeee]

On 12/30/2018 at 12:13 AM, Kmkz said:

Welcome to After Silence paigeee, you've endured a lot and continue to show great strength and courage. I'm glad you have such a supportive husband and fur friend to help keep you motivated and stay strong. When you feel safe and ready the members of this community will be accepting, supportive and understanding. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey. 

Thank you!

[paigeee]

On 12/28/2018 at 7:35 PM, goldraindrops said:

Dear Paige,

I'm sorry for the traumas that brought you here, but I think you find many kind and supportive people who can relate to your experiences.  I'm sorry that the people in your life didn't believe you and offer more support.  That is actually a pretty common experience for many of us.

Take your time reading the information that is here and posting when you feel comfortable.  You have found a safe and caring place.

Blessings,

Gold Raindrops

Thank you!

[paigeee]

On 12/28/2018 at 6:41 PM, pattyr said:

Welcome, and I am sorry for all the trauma you have gone through. I'm glad you found that one key support that started making more healing possible. I hope you find even more by taking part in AS. 

Thank you!

[paigeee]

On 12/28/2018 at 5:59 PM, MeBeMary said:

Hi paigeee,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you experienced, but you have found a very supportive site. The members are understanding and kind. I am sorry you were not believed. I am glad you have a husband that has been supported. Do know that you are believed and your experience is validated here. Struggles can be hard, but I believe healing is a process that we can succeed with. Facing our past is just as important as fighting for our future. Often times the two intertwine. Take your time and look around. I wish you the very best on your journey of healing.

Mary

 

Thank you!!