The cycle continues

[von12]

Hi all, 

I amfour years post my rape and thankfully divorces from my abuser. I have so much to be thankful for, and I also feel that sometimes I am still in the control cycle with my ex. Unfortunately my ex husband does use parenting time as a mechanism of abuse and control. For example: he shows up at school events unannounced, or pushes the boundaries with parenting time always to manipulate the kids away from me. When I say no he doesn’t hear me or care. 

Does anyone have suggestions on coping with coparenting with your abuser? It’s trigger enough just to see him, I’ve worked through that part. It’s setting boundaries I’m struggling with. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi von,

Welcome to AS. I am sorry for the abuse you endured with your ex, but you have found a very supportive site. You will find many kind and understanding members. Tho I have no first-hand experience with ex-husbands or children, I know it must be difficult to try to heal with him constantly causing problems. I'm sorry he tries to use your kids against you and to continue to hurt you. I'm sure you will find others who share this after-divorice co-parenting issues. I do wish you the best as you try to walk your healing path. 

Mary

 

[AKB]

Welcome @von12 to AS! We are happy you are here. Unfortunately, I too do not have firsthand experience with ex-husbands nor children I do understand a lot about establishing boundaries and enforcing them. I support you in your efforts to establish and enforce boundaries.

[Struggling88]

Hi, von12, and welcome!  I have to co-parent with one of my abusers too. It sucks. He does not respect my boundaries, and everything is an argument. I hope you have better luck than I did with the boundaries. 

[Kmkz]

Welcome to After Silence, it must be very difficult co parenting with your ex husband. I hope you are able to set boundaries and wish you all the best on your healing journey

[goldraindrops]

Dear @von12,

I'm sorry for what sounds like a very difficult situation.  I don't have personal experience with that, but I wanted to say welcome to our site and tell you that I'm sure there are members who can relate.  

Good luck,

Gold Raindrops

[BraveOne]

Hi @von12,

Welcome to AS, sorry you have reason to be here. I dont have first hand exprience with coparenting with an abuser and it sounds horrible sorry you have to walk this hard line, here for moral support. You did stumble on an amazingly supportive community so I'm sure someone will be able to give you advice. 

BraveOne