New to This

[sutureupmyfuture]

Hi everyone. I was nearly assaulted over 3 years ago by someone I thought was a friend. I have "dealt" with it as best as I thought I could without reaching out for help. My two most precious people in the world, my husband and my mom, have been enormously supportive. But, I feel like talking to other survivors will help me and hopefully I can be helpful or at least provide an ear/pair of eyes to them as well.

I have grappled with what I now see is very common in survivors, especially questioning if I was actually assaulted, guilt and self-blame (this one has been extremely tough), shame (even now I'm going the online route instead of a face to face group), depression, PTSD symptoms, and some of the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. I recently moved across the country, away from where I lived my entire life and everything I have ever known and changed my line of work. Part of this was to help "forget" what happened. This new experience has opened my eyes in 2 ways. 1. There is no forgetting it, so I need to FORGET THAT IDEA and 2. I need some kind of closure on this and feel this forum will help me figure out what this looks like (a more direct confrontation (long story), therapy, etc).

I'm open to any ideas/comments/insights. And please know I'm here for everyone, anytime.

[Terrified Angel]

14 hours ago, sutureupmyfuture said:

Hi everyone. I was nearly assaulted over 3 years ago by someone I thought was a friend. I have "dealt" with it as best as I thought I could without reaching out for help. My two most precious people in the world, my husband and my mom, have been enormously supportive. But, I feel like talking to other survivors will help me and hopefully I can be helpful or at least provide an ear/pair of eyes to them as well.

I have grappled with what I now see is very common in survivors, especially questioning if I was actually assaulted, guilt and self-blame (this one has been extremely tough), shame (even now I'm going the online route instead of a face to face group), depression, PTSD symptoms, and some of the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. I recently moved across the country, away from where I lived my entire life and everything I have ever known and changed my line of work. Part of this was to help "forget" what happened. This new experience has opened my eyes in 2 ways. 1. There is no forgetting it, so I need to FORGET THAT IDEA and 2. I need some kind of closure on this and feel this forum will help me figure out what this looks like (a more direct confrontation (long story), therapy, etc).

I'm open to any ideas/comments/insights. And please know I'm here for everyone, anytime.

Welcome to AS I just joined recently too. I am here for you

[patriciag]

20 hours ago, sutureupmyfuture said:

Hi everyone. I was nearly assaulted over 3 years ago by someone I thought was a friend. I have "dealt" with it as best as I thought I could without reaching out for help. My two most precious people in the world, my husband and my mom, have been enormously supportive. But, I feel like talking to other survivors will help me and hopefully I can be helpful or at least provide an ear/pair of eyes to them as well.

I have grappled with what I now see is very common in survivors, especially questioning if I was actually assaulted, guilt and self-blame (this one has been extremely tough), shame (even now I'm going the online route instead of a face to face group), depression, PTSD symptoms, and some of the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. I recently moved across the country, away from where I lived my entire life and everything I have ever known and changed my line of work. Part of this was to help "forget" what happened. This new experience has opened my eyes in 2 ways. 1. There is no forgetting it, so I need to FORGET THAT IDEA and 2. I need some kind of closure on this and feel this forum will help me figure out what this looks like (a more direct confrontation (long story), therapy, etc).

I'm open to any ideas/comments/insights. And please know I'm here for everyone, anytime.

Hi suture, I am sorry for the tramua you have been through. I am glad to see you have supportive people around you. You are right you can't change it or forget it, but the good thing you can work it out that it doesn't control your life. It takes time and you are not alone in this journey of healing,  we are here for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

Patricia 

[sutureupmyfuture]

6 hours ago, Terrified Angel said:

Welcome to AS I just joined recently too. I am here for you

Thank you so very much! I am here for you too.

[sutureupmyfuture]

18 minutes ago, patriciag said:

Hi suture, I am sorry for the tramua you have been through. I am glad to see you have supportive people around you. You are right you can't change it or forget it, but the good thing you can work it out that it doesn't control your life. It takes time and you are not alone in this journey of healing,  we are here for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

Patricia 

Thank you so much. Your last words in brought tears to my eyes (good tears). Thank you. I wish I had done this sooner; I know this will help me to heal.

[Struggling88]

Hi, sutureupmyfuture, and welcome! 

[BraveOne]

Hello Suture and welcome to AS. I am sorry for the trauma you've endured. Your not alone, AS is a safe place full of kind and caring individuals. Your free to share as much or as little as you like, please take a look around the forums and share at the speed that is right for you. 

[Capulet]

@sutureupmyfuture, welcome to AS!  So sorry for the circumstances that have led you to us, but hope that being here helps to set on the right path toward healing.  Sexual assault leaves many, many permanent marks on our spirit - so to completely 'forget about it' is for sure not easily done but to regain the courage to keep going despite the ugliness in the background IS very doable.  You'll get there.   I hope that being here helps to bring you to this point.  The people here are amazingly supportive and understanding - so it's a great place to start.

Best wishes, 
Capulet

 

[sutureupmyfuture]

22 hours ago, Struggling88 said:

Hi, sutureupmyfuture, and welcome! 

Thank you!

[MeBeMary]

Hi sutureupmyfuture,

Welcome to AS. Very sorry for the trauma you've experienced, but you will find tons of support here at AS. I wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary