long time survivor

[blndgirl]

I'm new to this and have no clue as to how to go about it. I'm a 22 year survivor and never sought counseling for my ordeal. I'm finding specific things in my daily life that I feel are impacted by what happened to me all those years ago. Just thought I might want to try this and interact with other people who have been through similar situations and how they have coped.

[brooke taylor]

Welcome to AS. I can relate to that. Seeing how much of my daily life was affected by something that happened so long ago also brought me here. I found the support and experience of other members here very helpful. Hope you find here what you are looking for.

[blndgirl]

How have you coped? I find it difficult to sleep at night or to be alone. I am always on guard thinking I have to be looking over my shoulder 24/7

[brooke taylor]

I am not sure if cope so well or not I guess I just try to go forward one day at a time. Sleeping can really be tough sometimes. What helped me to sleep is having a little bed light for some time. I also try to focus my mind on something until I am so exhausted I just go fall asleep. I like to watch something cheery before going to sleep. I noticed whatever I fill my mind with really affects my sleep. What also helps is making my environment safe. I always close all my windows and doors. I dont know why but it makes me feel much more safe. Other then that patience is crucial. Its common go through some phases where sleeping is so hard. Maybe try lots of different stuff it can take time until you find whats working for you. Most important thing is be easy on yourself. 

[blndgirl]

Yea, Its been such a long time and I guess Im not sure what I can do to feel safe. I can sleep as long as my bf is home albeit not really well. I still have nightmares constantly of stabbing someone who is assaulting me. My doors and windows are always locked. I feel like I live in a fortress more or less. However criminals always seem to find a way to get in when they really want to. It happened to me decades ago, so it could happen now. I have tried sleeping pills both prescription and OTC but they just serve to make me more tired than I already was. I have blocked out so many memories from my childhood and I am sure that I have PTSD from what happened plus with not sleeping....definitely makes for a bad combination. I always refused to be a victim and just pretended nothing happened but I now feel like that mindset just isn't healthy. I don't want to be a victim nonetheless that's exactly what I am. I guess I just don't know how to go on with life as a "normal person". Whatever that means....

[xKeepingFaithx]

Welcome to AS @blndgirl.

I'm sending lots of strength and kindness your way. I am also new here, and so far I've found other members to be encouraging and supportive. If there's anything I can do to help you, just let me know.

Take care.

[patriciag]

3 hours ago, blndgirl said:

I'm new to this and have no clue as to how to go about it. I'm a 22 year survivor and never sought counseling for my ordeal. I'm finding specific things in my daily life that I feel are impacted by what happened to me all those years ago. Just thought I might want to try this and interact with other people who have been through similar situations and how they have coped.

Hi blndgirl and welcome to AS, Don't worry about how to do this, we are here for you. You are not alone. Take your time going over the site.

Patricia

[howlieowl]

hi blndgirl, welcome. ive had my entire life impacted by what happened to me as well. through so many downs and therapy, ive gotten this far but finding this site im hoping like you it will begin that journey of healing. i truly hope you find some sense of comfort and safety here which will allow you to evolve into the woman you are meant to be. 

[phoenixxx]

Welcome blndgirl! I am sorry for what happened to you and for the struggles you are going through as a consequence. I just said the same thing to my T about wanting to be 'normal'. she said we don't even know what normal means, so I shouldn't think like that. Instead, we should focus on healing and getting to the point where we are in less difficulty over the things that happened to us. Wish you all the best for this journey. I know it isn't easy but we can do it. 

[reglois]

    

[MeBeMary]

17 hours ago, blndgirl said:

I'm new to this and have no clue as to how to go about it. I'm a 22 year survivor and never sought counseling for my ordeal. I'm finding specific things in my daily life that I feel are impacted by what happened to me all those years ago. Just thought I might want to try this and interact with other people who have been through similar situations and how they have coped.

 

16 hours ago, blndgirl said:

I don't want to be a victim nonetheless that's exactly what I am.

Hi blndgirl,

Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for the trauma you have experienced. Many of us can relate to having it impact us so many years later. I do understand the way it feels, but I believe once we face the things we have denied for so long, we start to transition from that "victim" to a "survivor". It's a big step to reach out, especially after so long. I'm not saying it's simple or easy to work thru our struggles, but it is the only way to let the healing process start. And you are among friends who will support and encourage you. I wish you well on this healing journey.

Mary

 

[Struggling88]

Hi, blndgirl, and welcome!