the third person

[seallymom]

When I speak of my story it is as if there is another telling it. I am in control. No emotion. Facts not feelings. I know that at some point to begin my healing I must feel. It feels enormous. 

[reglois]

That is also me.  In a way I am lucky that my DA keeps me from really *feeling* I often ask myself what are *feelings?* don't seem to have any, except fear and now anger, I read that to feel anger is progress .  I can now be sad and emotional for other people so I suppose that is progress.also

 

[empy]

Hi seallymom 

I feel exactly the same.  What happened to me was many years ago and I've only ever told one person exactly what happened.  I only told about 6 months ago.  The person I told is a very good (male) friend.  Sometimes when I think about what happened and I'm by myself, I cry.  When I told my friend, I just said the words and didn't really feel anything, but he cried, gave me a hug and told me that I did nothing wrong and it wasn't my fault.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me.  We're all on a journey and we all deserve to heal and to be happy.  

[brooke taylor]

I feel the same. When I tell my story im completely detached from my emotions. Its like I narrate a newspaper article. It seems so strange I dont feel anything. In fact one of the reasons my first therapist thought I made it up was that I was not emotional when telling it. You are not alone. I believe its just a way to protect ourselves from the pain.

[phoenixxx]

I relate as well. Recently I was talking to my bff about SA and she said my name in the same sentence as what happened to me and that shocked me so much. Like she jerked me out of my dissociation by using my name. Usually I feel like I am talking about someone just a bit removed from me. 

[Maraya18]

I feel the same way very often. I usually worry about the other person's feelings when I am telling my story, I try my best to avoid sympathy. So I end up telling my story very matter of factly, rather than telling it with my own feelings. 

[StrugglingMama]

21 minutes ago, Maraya18 said:

I feel the same way very often. I usually worry about the other person's feelings when I am telling my story, I try my best to avoid sympathy. So I end up telling my story very matter of factly, rather than telling it with my own feelings. 

It never really dawned on me that I worry about the other person's feelings when I'm telling my story. I never cry when I tell it. I get agitated and angry at "being forced to tell it" (no one is forcing me) and I often skip the hardest details and frame it always as "but I'm fine now, don't worry, have had some rough patches, but I'm ok" when really I want to scream I AM NOT OK!!!!!

[Tannyluck]

Hi and welcome to AS! I hope you find our community informative/supportive. I wish you well on your healing journey.