Hello

[FlippantPancake]

I'm new here and having a very difficult time trying to figure out how, exactly, to go about all of this. I've come to the realization that the trauma I experienced as a child has effected every aspect of my life... I find myself hiding away from the world and that needs to change. So, this is my first step.

Thanks for being a part of my journey.

[MeBeMary]

Hello FlippantPancake,

Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for the trauma that you have suffered. It was wrong and you were innocent. I am sorry you are paying the price for evil people/person. You say this is your first step...it is a huge first step. Trying to hide only works for a while, I know. You will find this community very understanding and very supportive. I wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

[FlippantPancake]

Thank you, Mary. It feels validating when you say this is a huge step (although I have the peanut gallery in my head telling me otherwise... rudely). All I have been able to do so far is look at a few forums and shake and hyperventilate and cry and try not to vomit or run get a bottle of vodka. Just seeing that so many people have found their way here makes me feel less like a freak. It's heartbreaking that we all have a reason to be here. But I need to hope that there is another way of surviving other than slow self-destruction. I've been doing that for decades. I'm tired of it. It is difficult to make my hands type these things, because my brain is screaming out that I need to maintain my safety by maintaining my silence... but it's too much to do on my own. So, thank you for your kind words and helping me feel less alone.

[reglois]

if OK

[louiseroi]

Welcome Flippant pancake.I, like you, suffered csa and have come to the same conclusion. Having tried all kinds of therapies and been on meds for depression, I'm now realising that there are counselling techniques to help people like us traumatised by abuse suffered in childhood. AS has helped me push for some, I start next week. It is very scary, but the truth never stops being the truth, as I see it, and part of being an adult is dealing with this stuff. Which, for regrettable reasons, responsible adults in our lives at the time were unable or unwilling to do. Good luck. I hope you find AS as helpful as I have.

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi FlippantPancake,

My name is Jan, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence.

I hope that you find comfort and support here. I am glad that you have joined with us and know that you will find others to connect with to build a support system. I, like you, have had my childhood experience effect much of my adult life.

If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible.

Take good care,

Edited May 13, 2015 by sisterinsurvival

[JoeyJoeJoeJrShabadoo]

Hi, FlippantPancake. Your introduction really resonated with me, as it is close to my own feelings. Hopefully this first step will lead to greater things.