This Is My Effort To Really Try And Change Things

[Parapluie]

Hi everyone!

I'm not sure where to start. Even behind the anonymity of my computer screen I'm still finding it difficult to try and get my story out. I am a 24 year old female. The events which seemed to have robbed me of a "normal" (what is normal anyway?) life took place over a decade ago but still reverberate with me as strongly as the did back then. Because of what happened to me I have intimacy issues (among other things) and therefore have not been in a relationship because I tend to push everyone away anytime they get too close even though I so desperately want to be able to connect with someone physically and emotionally. So I'm hoping this community will be a start to my path of healing. I know it's long overdue. I'm trying to muster up the courage to seek professional help. I'm at the point where I am so tired of the weight on my shoulders. I'm tired of people asking me about past relationships and me scrambling to find an answer where I don't have to give them a true explanation. I'm tired of people thinking I'm too stuck up or shallow to go out with a guy or thinking I swing the other direction or whatever assumptions they make up for why a good-looking, and intellectual girl with many likable qualities (I feel weird writing that out like I'm tooting my own horn but I'm just reiterating what others say) such as I have not had a boyfriend. Anyways enough about me, I'm excited to get to know everyone here

[Foxface]

Well I just joined yesterday but welcome to AS...I am sure the crew will be along shortly

[reglois]

[coffeeaddict]

Hi and welcome to AS It's a tough journey, but you've found a good place to start on that path!

[mariella47]

Welcome parapluie!

[Alastriona]

Welcome

Its going to be a long journey, but be happy that you have found such a good place to help you on that journey. I wish you all the best, in your healing.

Alas

[Parapluie]

Thank you all for your warm welcomes!

[angelic]

Hello Parapluie,

welcome to After Silence,. my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. If you need any help with any aspect of the board, please let me know and I will do my best to help if I can

take care, Paula

[champagnesupernova]

I relate to your situation so much. I'm 26, and I have really encompassing intamacy issues. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

I know that it's easier said than done, but I do believe with hard work, I can trust men again,and be in a relationship. I hope you can work towards that, too.

[StruggliNSilence14]

Hi and welcome!!!!! I can definitely relate Parapluie! Recently joined AS and I'm so very happy that I did! I have struggled a lot with intimacy/ relationship issues as well. And ur right- time makes no difference when dealing with the trauma we've all been thru. Just want u to know I'm here supporting u and listening.... Hope u will find peace and relief! Take care!

~Sarah

[Minerba]

Hello Parapluie, welcome to this group. It will make you realize you are not alone. I hope you also realize that the abuse was not your fault. It was not your fault.

Healing is a journey and takes time. Healing is possible. Go at your own pace. This is a good group. There is also a lot of information on the internet and public libraries that could be helpful to read.

How is your support system? Do you have family members and/or friends who are supportive?

It is normal to feel the way you are feeling at present. Many survivors talk about the impact on sexual violence on intimacy, trust and relationships. In a way, you are trying to protect yourself.

How are you coping? What is helping?

There is a book called "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz. It is very good. There is another one called "The Courage to Heal" by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass. You can check them out.

You are being very courageous sharing with us.

Take care and don't forget to do the things you like and give meaning to your life. You deserve a god life.

May you find healing

[Parapluie]

You all are so amazing that I am crying now as I write this! I've been here only a few days and I've received more input and support here than I have in the past decade, which really is my fault because I don't really talk to anyone about what happened other than one friend who is on the same boat too and I can see she is really, really struggling with her issues too. We just hold each other and cry really.

Minerba: I guess my "coping" is to completely avoid situations where they could lead to something more intimate, this includes isolating myself from friends especially when I find out they are starting to like me. A looooong while back when I had my first kiss I was taken by surprise because we were just talking and the next thing I know he's on top of me trying to make out with me and I burst into inconsolable tears and dreamt later that night he was trying to r*pe me. Since then I haven't really allowed anyone else to get that close again.

And thank you for the recommended reading! I will definitely look into those books as soon as I have finished reading A Game of Thrones

Big hugs to everyone and in their healing journey! Thank you all for sharing and your input and helping realize I am not alone. I hope we can all heal together

[Nyeira]

Welcome!

[Nori]

Hi everyone!

I'm not sure where to start. Even behind the anonymity of my computer screen I'm still finding it difficult to try and get my story out. I am a 24 year old female. The events which seemed to have robbed me of a "normal" (what is normal anyway?) life took place over a decade ago but still reverberate with me as strongly as the did back then. Because of what happened to me I have intimacy issues (among other things) and therefore have not been in a relationship because I tend to push everyone away anytime they get too close even though I so desperately want to be able to connect with someone physically and emotionally. So I'm hoping this community will be a start to my path of healing. I know it's long overdue. I'm trying to muster up the courage to seek professional help. I'm at the point where I am so tired of the weight on my shoulders. I'm tired of people asking me about past relationships and me scrambling to find an answer where I don't have to give them a true explanation. I'm tired of people thinking I'm too stuck up or shallow to go out with a guy or thinking I swing the other direction or whatever assumptions they make up for why a good-looking, and intellectual girl with many likable qualities (I feel weird writing that out like I'm tooting my own horn but I'm just reiterating what others say) such as I have not had a boyfriend. Anyways enough about me, I'm excited to get to know everyone here

Welcome. I hope you achieve all you wish and trust me, there are many who can relate to you hear-take it from someone who just destroyed their last relationship and is going through the ringer. God bless you.

[lexip]

Welcome to AS!

Janepp

[madlynumb]

Hi I am new here as well and i am trying to get myself to open up about my past and try to heal.

[reglois]

you need to be here if OK

[PurpleAura]

Hi Parapluie,

I'm new here too. I just wanted to say I can relate to the whole "intimacy thing" and trying to explain myself. I really hope you find what you are looking for here!

Take care! I look forward to meeting you some time.

PurpleHeart

[AKtomboy]

Welcome! I hope this will be a great outlet for you. I too am a new member and I'm looking for similar support.

I share in your struggles with intimacy, avoidence of relationships and people making up rumors to explain my singleness. Societal norms definately make it a hard position to be in as there is constant pressure to be with someone. People insist on playing match maker and you find yourself helpless to explain why their good intentions are not helpful. I find it to be one of the biggest stresses in my life since most people can't seem to leave it alone. I too am struggling on this path so I'm not much help but I hope it offers you some reassurance to know that you are not alone.

[Facingthemusic]

Hi everyone!

I'm not sure where to start. Even behind the anonymity of my computer screen I'm still finding it difficult to try and get my story out. I am a 24 year old female. The events which seemed to have robbed me of a "normal" (what is normal anyway?) life took place over a decade ago but still reverberate with me as strongly as the did back then. Because of what happened to me I have intimacy issues (among other things) and therefore have not been in a relationship because I tend to push everyone away anytime they get too close even though I so desperately want to be able to connect with someone physically and emotionally. So I'm hoping this community will be a start to my path of healing. I know it's long overdue. I'm trying to muster up the courage to seek professional help. I'm at the point where I am so tired of the weight on my shoulders. I'm tired of people asking me about past relationships and me scrambling to find an answer where I don't have to give them a true explanation. I'm tired of people thinking I'm too stuck up or shallow to go out with a guy or thinking I swing the other direction or whatever assumptions they make up for why a good-looking, and intellectual girl with many likable qualities (I feel weird writing that out like I'm tooting my own horn but I'm just reiterating what others say) such as I have not had a boyfriend. Anyways enough about me, I'm excited to get to know everyone here

Welcome! It's a bit late, but I just wanted to also say thank you for sharing. Your story sounds so much like mine. At least the aftermath does. 14 years later, I am just getting a handle on coming to terms with what happened and acknowleding how it has affected my ability to form meaningful and healthy adult relationships or any relationships at all. After my hiatus from AS for several months, coming back and in part reading your post has remind me of how important AS can be in my healing process by providing the support and empathy of other survivors. I hope you benefit as much as I hope to from AS.

[Parapluie]

Hello Parapluie, welcome to this group. It will make you realize you are not alone. I hope you also realize that the abuse was not your fault. It was not your fault.

Healing is a journey and takes time. Healing is possible. Go at your own pace. This is a good group. There is also a lot of information on the internet and public libraries that could be helpful to read.

How is your support system? Do you have family members and/or friends who are supportive?

It is normal to feel the way you are feeling at present. Many survivors talk about the impact on sexual violence on intimacy, trust and relationships. In a way, you are trying to protect yourself.

How are you coping? What is helping?

There is a book called "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz. It is very good. There is another one called "The Courage to Heal" by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass. You can check them out.

You are being very courageous sharing with us.

Take care and don't forget to do the things you like and give meaning to your life. You deserve a god life.

May you find healing

I've been away for a while because life has been keeping me very busy but I had to come back to take you Minerba for your suggested reading. I have since started therapy and was lent The Courage to Heal by one of my therapists and have been reading it every night before going to bed. I'm struggling to keep myself together and present when I'm in school and around my peers but I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be an easy journey, but I try to be optimistic.

And I also want to thank those who have posted since my last post and shared your stories. It pains me greatly to know that you guys also share my struggle but gives me a bit of relief to know that I am not alone. I hope we can heal together!