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Thanks For Letting Me Join The Group.

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Hi. Thank you for letting me join the group.

I am 35 years old, I come from The Netherlands, have a husband and young daughter.

For the social safety of my family and the small business that I run, I din't use my real name.

Hopefully that won't be a problem.

Three years ago I regained the memories of the rape I endured by my father when I was four.

I always knew that it happened, but the detailed memories were locked.

My mother knew about it and helped to cover it up and prevent shame to the family

(from the local community, family, church and workplace. )

What is worse, is that she stayed with him, despite the abuse, 'for the sake of the children'.

Now that my father has died, she denies everything and claims 'I am confused'.

I hope to end my emotional isolation and find a group of people who know how it feels and understands.

I don't want to be alone anymore in this.

People I have tried to talk about it (including professionals) either don't want to listen or aren't able to.

Hopefully I can find myself here.

Kind regards,


Edited by lilly1978
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Welcome to AS. I am sorry you have to be here and for what you have been through. I am also sorry that you haven't found anyone to listen to you. That must be really hard. Please know that we are here for you and WE will listen. :aswelcomesu:

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Hello lilly,

welcome to AfterSilence, I'm Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please let me know

take care, Paula

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Be proud of yourself for opening up and admitting what happened. Your mother may never accept or admit what happened so forget about waiting for her to help you. From now on try to focus on helping yourself. That's the most important thing. Once you can open up those memories you can then attempt to stare at them in the face and take control of them. Just stay strong, be patient and know that you're not alone.

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Thank you all for the kind words. They really help release much tension and tears of relief.

I am sad you need to be in this group. But I am glad now for your presence.

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Dear LJC88.

You hit the nail on the head. I AM waiting for my mother to come help me and rescue me.

I need to stop doing tho. I can't just yet. But your insight helps. Thank you.

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I'm glad I could help. I know how it feels to feel alone when it comes to trying to heal.

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I'm so sorry that happened to you. I come from a similar situation. My father abused my sister and I-mother covered it up because of the shame and she was afraid of what would happen financially. It stings-she chose the abuser over her child. I think maybe our mother's are afraid to acknowledge, because that would be like admitting their guilt.

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Dear Lize4.

Your words are very accurate, when you say that our mothers chose the abuser over her child (ren), out of guilt and shame.

I always thought that a mother should be able to take any pain or trouble, in order to save her child. Like an avenging angel, or a lioness defending her cubs.

The fact that not all mothers are like that, saddens me. Especially since I am a mother myself now. I will go through fire for my little girl.

And on a good day, I can even forgive my mother for being weak and a coward. But most days I am still waiting for her to rescue me.

It saddens me that you need to be here in this forum. But your words give me a feeling of togetherness and not being alone.

Thank you

Edited by lilly1978
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Very true. I always thought that would be the instinct of every women. I did not understand as a child. I thought I was doing "the right thing" and was proud of myself for keeping it in and being a good kid. I struggle to let go of the bitterness I have now. I am not a mother and I don't know if I will ever be, but your story is very inspiring.

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  • 4 months later...


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