I'm Here.

[NothingHasBeenBroken]

I've looked at the welcome section and walked away from the computer a few times, but this is something I need to do for me. I've always been more interested in trying to help other people than help myself. I'm extremely sensitive and empathetic- but I've had a childhood full of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I was raped as a teenager.

I realize I need help and that believing what my parents told me is wrong. They were wrong about me and I need to accept that deep down I was just a little girl who was eager to please. I needed love, help and nurturing.

I sometimes feel toxic and that things are my fault. My rational mind knows that this isn't true, but there is this disgusting pit I feel in my stomach that I think I'll somehow suck the world into? I don't know how crazy this sounds, but all I do is blame myself.... all the time.

-K

[reglois]

you have to be here, if OK

[NothingHasBeenBroken]

Thank you. reglois. I'm re-reading what I wrote this morning. Being able to say "I'm here." Is important to me. When I was raped, I kept feeling like "I'm not here." and staring at the ceiling. I remember a lot about the ceiling. And my parents instead of taking care of me, blamed me for everything. My father beat me and my mother liked to throw things and remind my sister and I that we were worthless.

[jenz1004]

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. Absolutely none of it was your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I'm glad you found this place and I hope you find the support that you need here.

if ok

[NothingHasBeenBroken]

Thank you jenz1004. I'm glad I found it, too.

[angelic]

hello NothingHasBeenBroken,

welcome to AfterSilence, My name is Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I'm glad you found us too, and I hope you find some peace here. If you need any help with the board, please contact me

take care

Paula

[NothingHasBeenBroken]

Thank you for the warm welcome, Paula.

[LJC88]

You are not alone. That's important to remember. Also, remember that you are the normal one. You were hurt by sick people (your mother and father). You can be the one who breaks the cycle of abuse. Think about how important that alone makes you. Remember that you are a survivor. You won. Feel free to talk to me if you need someone to talk to.

[Henriette]

I'm new here too. Welcome. I have often struggled with feeling not real. After a LOT of therapy I feel real most of the time but that's hard too. I think we don't want to be here or real because real hurts. A lot. Pain is real. But so is love. It is hard, so very hard but I have to believe its worth it.

I hope you find what you need. I hope I do. I hope we all do. Much love and good luck.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome!