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Found 7 results

  1. This weekend hubby is in town so we are working on me being present during relations and most of the weekend it has been pleasurable for both of us but this afternoon as I tried to be held, all I could hear was his TW.......instructions how to please him with my mouth and my heart broke, am so defeated, working so hard and his voice is still there reminding me, I will always be his, he owns a deep part of me, my first kiss, my first touch, my first time and no matter what i do that will never be mine, he took that and it is his . The only way I can see this changing, finding peace from this i
  2. teleah

    All for nothing

    This week i looked up my abuser and found he erased me from my family tree, i was never born so I protected him for nothing, kept his abuse for secrets for nothing, fooled myself one day he would love me as a daughter not his property, i thought when i quit contact with him to stay sane, he would at least admit i existed but nope once and for all i get it, i was nothing to him but his sick plaything, i was never his daughter. I also foolishly believed if i was a good daughter to my abusive mom, the mom who brought me up to believe i was a mistake, that my huge reward would be, finally being em
  3. teleah

    Back at the River

    No I do not want to be back here again, how many times am I going to revisit this river in my mind ? How many times am I going to see her smile turn to shock as he orders us to remove our clothes, the look of terror when she saw him take the pictures of us in our newly bought training bra and panties, telling us he was lucky to have such pretty models, when am I going to quit visiting this river when I know it puts me in the deep dark forest running toward a truck, running towards an end to this all consuming guilt he hurt her that night, showed her not all adults were safe, not all men were s
  4. I was seven, it was my favorite time of the year, Christmas and we had spent three tense hours putting up the tree and it was finally time to put up the angel and my dad grabbed me, lifted me up and was leering at me, looking up my skirt, i felt the heat and shame as he took me down and my mother glared at me. The same Christmas, my dad and I somehow got in the bedroom and he wanted to TW anally rape me so he fingered me and ended up ripping me pretty bad so we ran to the grocery store for cream and when he got home, he put it on my wound and it stung like hell, then mom came home and yelled a
  5. teleah

    Grooming Theresa

    I made myself go out today, no list, no errands, just go out, so there I was having a good time out and about and decided to go to a drug store to price something for daughter. so I walked in and we went to the toys because even at 18, she loves looking at toys and right in the aisle staring right at me was a display of Wendy Walkers and Theresa one of my parts, froze, no she whispered to me as i tried to push her away so i could be an adult, but she was loudly crying in my head, i took a deep breath and kept walking but now theresa is still crying so i hope sharing her trauma, she will let me
  6. Went back to therapy this Thursday, still in outpatient but had to see if i could get trauma therapy and found out I could, wish was good news maybe. Anyway most of the session was talking to TC, my youngest little, she is 3 or 4, she is so little, it hurts to look at her, she does not usually talk just cries but she talked this time,because I was willing to hear her or maybe she found her voice, I asked her what she needed from me and she said, she needed to be be believed, she needed to feel safe so i held her and stroked her hair and told her she no longer had to see her dad, i would protec
  7. teleah

    I found her

    For the last four years, I have put her name into facebook. j , and I never find her and tonight, there she was, TW,,,,,the girl my father took pictures with at the river, the girl whose smile is etched in mu head, her laughter as she rode her bike behind me, singing Blondie songs, the girl who stood beside me in front of the log, where I was used of posing, then her joyous warm smile turned into shock and shame as he took pictures of her and me in our pantties, seeing her, was good because she is ok, she has kids, she has a husband and she looks so happy not broken like me for that i am relie
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