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Found 5 results

  1. Hi, everyone. It feels like the last couple of months has gone by in a blur. I'm starting to realize the true meaning of the statement, 'too much time on your hands.' When I had it, (it being time) my mind wouldn't shut up. I had so much more to say. I looked at things sooooo differently. I'd have TIME to sift through whatever was swimming around in there - now, all that's in there is numbers, formulas, political definitions, social work case studies (hypothetical ones), papers that would be coming due, and the neverending, bottomless threat of that thing called 'exams.' Never mind
  2. I was able to trust someone today. Actually a few people. Recently I had a somewhat serious injury from a sport, nothing too bad, but it has left me with the inability to lift or seriously use my right shoulder. When I admitted to someone I was hurt they didn't laugh, or use it against me instead they hugged me and asked how I was. This genuine feeling of concern is new to me. Most of my life has been keeping quiet about problems because when I didn't it was used against me. The world is scary but maybe there truly are enough good people in this world to help it through. I have
  3. Today I feel numb, I feel nothing. I don't feel regret I don't feel happy I just feel numb. Maybe because my emotions have been fairly wild for the past week. I have to turn in my application this week, the application for the scholarship where I will have to publicly admit my abuse and attempt to inspire and help others. I know that I should be happy and excited to do so, but all I can think is what if someone doubts me. What if someone knows who I am talking about because they know me. What if? I don't know... I never know. I can't anticipate who will
  4. Kirby

    Memories

    It hits me when I least expect it. When I would never in a million years think for it to happen, and recently it's hit me hard. I'll be at a bar with friends or having a BBQ on the beach, I'll be cycling down a canal path or pushing my niece on a swing.....then it comes out of nowhere. First it's just his name. Dave. I try to shake it off every time but it never works. It gets worse after that. I see the pub sign...a grey horse...that's where it happened. The grey horse. I see green tiles. A phone on the floor. His black shoes and my trainers. I see a blue/grey shirt
  5. So I was spending time with my in-laws this evening... dinner (delicious), and company. I'm not sure what was said to make me feel this way... but I feel the need to rant a little... vent a little.. in a safe environment so that I won't hurt the ones I love. When someone hasn't been through a traumatic event - abusive parents, volatile divorce perhaps, sexual assault... something that changes how you interact with the world. Makes you inherently -dysfunctional... you are constantly having to ignore the inner voice, and even if you feel like you've buried it, worked through it, FINALLY are done
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