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Showing results for tags 'abuse'.
Found 21 results
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The perpetrator who's masking as a good guy will tell a joke. A joke so unsettleing that makes us question If there was some truth to It. And we'll all laugh an uncomfortable laugh. We'll even doubt If we're allowed to do so and look around for comfort, but we'll find that none of us have the answer, or, even worse, that none of us want to give It away. We'll pretend It didn't happen and look the other way, since that's the thing we're best at, believing someone will take care of It anyways, even though no one ever does. We may think "someone like that wouldn't be around us", s
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If you've read my previous blog entry you'll know that I'm typing my story, right from the beginning, as part of trauma therapy. I typed it out a couple of years back on here, and a more official version, featuring the man who gave me reason to join this forum, was written for a police statement when I reported him in 2020. I'm now revisiting it again with help from a therapist and new insights, and the words that are spilling out onto my computer screen come from the 44-year-old me, with all the fresh memories and emotions that have surfaced since this shit-storm of an aftermath began. The 'p -
The Trauma Train
LisaButterfly posted a blog entry in A Butterfly's Blog - Therapeutic Journaling in a Safe Space
I'm on the Trauma Train and I want to get off, but how do you do that when the loud, grubby steam engine you've been on since childhood is hurtling through desolate landscapes and dark tunnels with no welcoming stations or comfortable rest-stops on-route? The train carriage I'm in at the moment is empty, it's just me here and I hate my own company. I hate the shell I'm trapped in and frighten myself silly with my own thoughts. I'm so lonely. Then I remembered After Silence - a train station where you can safely get off, if you choose to, and be in the company of people who truly understa -
well hello!! i would ask you how you are, but I already know miserable i was thinking about you though thinking about how pathetic it is to abuse the innocent for your pleasure there are so many other things in the world to make oneself feel good -sitting outside and feeling the sunshine on your bare skin -walking on the sand while listening to the crashing waves -feeling somebody melt into your arms when you hug (instead of freeze when touched) -the ability to look in the mirror at oneself and smile big out of the many beautiful things in this
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The short version of my story (TW)
judas10 posted a blog entry in Abuse, addiction, religion, and the desire to heal
I want to be clear...I self-medicate. I try to numb myself in order to cope with my past. It's not healthy. It's not how I should cope. But, it's my current reality. I don't want to keep this up, nor can I continue to drink like I do and expect my past to go away, or my life to get better. I'm slowly killing myself, and it pisses me off! However, I am currently trying to get into rehab, although my insurance is denying my request (another story)! From the start, I was physically abused by my father. He was an arrogant, religious, physically large man, that thought that sparing the rod, wo -
This post contains very graphic references to sexual abuse. I ask that you would not read ahead if you are not in the mind to do so. Please proceed with caution. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Poppy, this isn’t a Friday! Speaking of Friday, where the heck were you this week?’ My apologies to everyone that keeps up with my blog entries weekly or those of you that were looking forward to a post from me. I was taking a small break from AS after some events that transpired and caused me quite a bit of emotional and mental pain. I don’t feel that I really have the liberty to
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My ex and I called off our wedding nearly two years ago. Before I met her I truly believed that I would never be able to have an intimate relationship. With her help I moved forward and I had hopes and plans for my future instead of looking back on my past. I'd learned to manage my triggers. Then everything came crashing down. For once, it had nothing to do with my past trauma and I think that almost made it worse. My entire future was planned around one person. Believe me, I know that's not healthy but at the time it didn't matter because I'd convinced myself that's what you did when you got
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Hello, Thank you for accepting me into this community. I have gone to therapy before to discuss this but it didn’t get to the heart of the matter. I was provided with tools to cope and adjust my thinking which only went so far. I feel like I need a community to help me really understand why I still feel the way I do after all this time out of my toxic relationship. I appreciate any support and suggestions on moving forward. Warmly, Mel
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I don't know the first thing about writing a blog. All I know is I survived. There is more of me broken than functional - but something small, somewhere inside me persists that that will not always be the case. So here I am, writing about it. (For all intents and purposes, and I still wan't nothing to do with them, my abuser will be called "X") I was with someone, who didn't care. I was with SEVERAL someones who didn't care, at least about me. However, this one in particular had brought me lower than I have ever been. We met under incredibly ordinary circumstances, nowhere I would c
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Hi. I am a man of 58 years. I have struggled daily in my life to rid myself of my flaws that caused me to be abused. Then I had an epiphany in 07 and realised at gut lever that I had been abused because who my abusers were and not because of who I am. I had a violent father who never showed my anything but disgust. I was boy enough. as I grew it got worse and I much preferred girls for friends tho up till about 12 my bfs were boys. I travelled the world, always changing schools, always the new boy and always bullied. I only learned from all of this, my dad's growing violence too, was how
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so ive been posting positive quotes all over the walls in my bedroom/drawing room to keep positivity in my face all the time. see, im working on trying to quiet the negative voices in my head. the problem was how i got my start in life. i was left in the care of a bully (my birth. other B) that knew how to lie, manipulate, and con anyone she came in contact with. in front of people, she was charismatic, funny, charming, witty, the perfect parent. B was not this person with me. after, many many many years of trying to analyze and over analyzing my upbringing, ive found one conclusion that may w
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When I was 6 years old my older sister started to molest me, she use to call it "the game", it lasted for about another year or two, at least until she got a new boyfriend, then she no longer "needed me". By the time I was 7, my older cousin who was a female as well also started to molest me, saying everything we did was for fun and that everyone did it. Around that same time, my god sister who was around my age decided she wanted to play the game as well, she had learned it from our uncle. I didn't understand what was going on or that it was wrong. Through out the years, I had other encounter
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**TRIGGER WARNING** alcohol, abuse ---- I am a drunken fool. I was leaving a party and was offered a lift to the station. A friend was going in the same direction, and said he would walk me the rest of the way to the station. He didnt take me to the station. he took me to his house. "Its not safe, the last train has left, you cannot get home. This area is not safe" "you stay here, I will look after you" I didn't know where i was, where the station was. Was it really dangerous outside? I went into the house. I was uncomfortable. I tried to leave. he restr
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I have always been afraid to speak of my mistreatment. I carried it around with me because I was always told it was my fault. Everyone always told me who I was, I never had the chance to myself. So I have stayed silent. I took the pain and turned it into a smile. This smile wasn't just an ordinary smile, there were many elements to it. Confusion, fear, anger, sadness, hopelessness... It felt like the weight of the world and I felt it all alone. I also felt happiness. I felt it when I felt the warmth of my mothers hugs. I felt it when my friends told a joke and made me laugh until my ab musucle
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Merry Christmas And Best Wishes To All My Fellow Survivors! Tw
Dasi posted a blog entry in Dasi's Blog
This Christmas 2015, with a beautiful full moon and quiet consuming victory, will be burned into my memory for eternity. My healing goals include fulfilling my family karma and ending the inherent chain of abuse. To successfully achieve this goal I must slay multiple demons that thrive upon sucking my soul into their fiery bellies only to regurgitate sabotage and betrayal. This week alone I have slayed multitudes of the blood thirsty beasts crouched in venomous fury awaiting my next breath and calculated action. The demons I speak of dwell in the hearts of my poor family. Their device is to ke -
In the beginning, I was naive. I didn't listen to anything my parents would tell me about safety because I just knew that nothing bad would ever happen to me. My mom would always grab me and hold me before I walked out the door. "Come back to me in one piece." She would always tell me. I always brushed it off. I was too special to be one of those kids. I would always make it home. I made it through years of carelessness and foolishness. My favorite holiday growing up was Christmas. All of my siblings would get together with their kids and spouses and we would just have a ball. My dad would co
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Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center And the Sexual Assault Support & Help For Americans Abroad Program, SASHAA. http://www.866uswomen.org/ Our Global Campaign To Empower Americans Experiencing Domestic Violence Abroad began in the fall of 2009 in Europe and, during the next three years, will be expanding to Asia, Central America, South America, and Northern Africa. The Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center can be reached internationally toll-free from 175 countries. To contact the toll-free crisis line from overseas, first dial your AT&T USADirect access num -
hi everyone. my name is rachel and i am 17 years old, 18 soon cant wait! anyways the reason i joined this page is because i recent started having flash backs and feeling terribly guilty for allowiong my attacker to get away with what he did but the reason i allowed him to was because he was my uncle and i love my granny very much and didnt have the heart to send her son to prison or whatever punishment he would have gotten for sexually abusing me. there are 5 female cousins including myself that are related to this man and it turns out he got to us all and i was the last girl he got to. he is
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Hi everyone, I'm so glad a forum like this exists where people can share their stories and help each other on their road to recovery. I thought, as a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, it might be helpful for me (and others) to write a blog about it - there seems to be a remarkably small number of men talking out about their experiences on the internet as a whole. I started a blog yesterday and didn't expect to write much in it, but I wrote eight articles in the first day alone and it's really helped to exorcise some of the old demons, as it were. My name's Oliver [or at least, that's th
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You said that you were sorry, You said it wouldn't happen again, That the alcohol was behind it, That you would make amends You said that you were sorry, Indeed it happened once more, You made us empty promises The same ones from before You said that you were sorry, You requested another chance For a short time things improved, Followed by the same old song and dance You said that you were sorry, But by then it was too late I was much too scared to leave, My fear had sealed my fate You said that you were sorry, I knew your words were lies, Your previous actions and words Created many hidden cr
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