[Hello!]

Thank you all so much for your kindness and for taking the time to reply!

Reading your words made me feel a little less alone and a bit more understood, which means a lot right now.

Thank you for the welcome and for the care you’ve shown. It really matters 

[Hello!]

Hello everyone, my name is Ellie, I’m 29 years old.

I experienced sexual abuse when I was around 4–5 years old. I don’t remember it in a clear, linear way, but rather through fragments, bodily sensations, and very blurred images that, when they are triggered, unleash a kind of inner storm. In those moments it feels as if I am back there again: I feel like a very small child who just wants to hide, to disappear.

Right now I fluctuate a lot. There are moments when I try to deny or minimize what happened, throwing myself into activities or trying to “function,” and others when I feel completely stuck, empty, overwhelmed by shame, anger, and fear. Sometimes I experience an intense and difficult-to-manage anger that scares me.

I am working on these issues in therapy, very cautiously. I’m writing here because I feel very alone in this process. Maybe I’m looking for stories from people who have gone through something similar, or simply to feel less out of place in what I’m experiencing.

Sorry for the long, disorganized, and perhaps dramatic message. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it!