internetsurvivor11

Made it through a 3rd round of php and iop, and really thought the joy and energy might last this time. It didn't. Getting like 2-5 little flashbacks a day, my body wants me to address memories but I so do not. It's been a year since I started to remember what my dad did to me, and every memory has been a new hell to experience. I never knew the body could re-experience a memory, and its the worst. I don't want to feel like I'm being penetrated again :(.

I'm just feeling really exhausted and defeated right now. I wish words could explain what it feels like, how just utterly destroyed I feel. so ruined. so broken. so tired. I'm on 3 different depressions meds and it just doesn't seem to really matter. I'm doing so much therapy but I don't feel better. My therapist claims I've improved a lot, but I simply don't see it.