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internetsurvivor11

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  • Content Count

    13

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  • Gender
    Non-Binary
  • Location
    Atlanta, GA
  • Interests
    Technology, King of the Hill

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. internetsurvivor11

    Life has just been difficult. Coming out as non-binary actually went over okay with family and friends, but constant trauma flashbacks and new memories have totally destroyed any sense of normalcy and functionality. Like my pet ferret Pabu passed (He made it to 7!) and only two weeks later I'm already having new memories. Prolly gonna be sending myself into PHP again within a week or 2. Feel so broken :/

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Glad to hear you have come out and are feeling better within your own identity...just wish other things weren't so rough for you right now. Sitting with you, if ok. 

  2. internetsurvivor11
    Thank you very much for replying, @Rose-T! Its nice to hear that this level of internal confusion isn't just forever the worst. It makes sense that with time the dissonance chills out, tho its def hard to see right now lol. Thank you very much again for the kind words and support!
  3. internetsurvivor11

    ugh so hard not to just feel unrecoverable at times... I keep going because I know that hours of traditional, group, and emdr therapy is my best bet. But having to simultaneously accept the childhood I knew was incomplete in the worst possible way and that I will never get to have a normal life.... kinda sucks. The fact that the CSA started before I could form memories, it feels like there was never a version of me that could have a chance, Anyways I aint quittin now, just stuck deep in this fever dream of reality and my previous thoughts of my life mashing together 

    1. Finchy

      Finchy

      I'm sorry for all you've been through. It's really difficult. Never give up....you got this!! Sitting with you. <3 

    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you. :throb: 

  4. internetsurvivor11 started following Deep in the mud, trying to live reality as a CSA survivor
  5. internetsurvivor11
    Hey there. Been going through therapy for the last 3 years, started just thinking I needed a little help getting back on track towards my degree. Instead of improving, things just got worse and worse. While never forcibly admitted, I've had a couple rounds of IOP, a little PHP, and a lot of struggles internally. Over and over it felt I would try my hardest yet only end up with the same issues. This all culminated in my first traumatic flashback a few weeks back. I had known my dad was abusive, but the extent is slowly becoming clear. Every day since reliving that horrible event, life has
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