[Hello, newbie here and learning]

Blacksun, Thank you for the welcome.. I am reading and discovering that I share a lot of common issues with others.. I struggle with it daily. It was my dark secret for over 50 years and only in the few years have I been able to open up and discuss. Start group therapy next month and continued individual therapy.. I am finding this forum to be good for me for all the in between therapy time.. a long month... My journey started with some small penis humiliation by my mother and grandmother as they pondered why mine was so small.. They discussed it with most other female relate yes and neighbors and insisted I show it so they could all discuss what could possible be wrong.. I am certain that some of my predators were told about my mother's concern with my small size, round girly butt and hips and extremely small penis by their wives.. throw in some blonde hair, naive and submissive/obedient behaviors and I was a predators dream find.. At first when an older boy showed me something cool... masturbating him.. It was exciting but things quickly escalated at a fast pace and I found myself being the "girlfriend"..At 11, I did not have the courage to say anything and continued to endure the situation in silence and shame.. the teasing and humiliation of my body's reactions added to my shame and confusion.. and I soon became a source of fun for many other bigger, stronger, horny males.. It has continued throughout my life even into adult life after marriage.. Some of the things I have read here align with my therapist's recommendations on discussing it and sharing to aid in recovering.. I have had three therapists, two female and one male. I found I can open up more openly with females.. so I thank you again.. I have so many things to say after so many years, so many incidents.. I think I could fill a book.. 

[Hello, newbie here and learning]

Ho BBB, I am new here and reading about the struggles of others and finding some comfort that I am not as alone as I thought. I hope you too can find some peace and comfort sharing with the rest of us.

[Hello, newbie here and learning]

Thanks UK63.. You have a great evening and continue to share with the rest of us as you continue the journey.. it helps so much.. ☺️

[Hello, newbie here and learning]

UK63, thank you... so far everyone has been supportive and I am amazed at the things others have experienced. It is sad that society preys on the innocent and vulnerable but I feel better having a place to verbalize (so to speak) some of the things I seldom get to talk about.. and I certainly feel less alone.. I have so many things to work on and to learn about.. and things I want to attempt to change and finally forget about forever.. if that is even possible... I hope you find your happy place as you work through your experiences and share how you do it for those of us still taking it one step at a time.. 

[Hello, newbie here and learning]

Thank you all for responding and making me feel welcome.. I am so grateful for an opportunity to talk without judgements and conclusions.. I have individual therapy beneficial but also lacking.. Reading about the experiences of others makes me feel a kinship of sorts.. and kind of makes me feel a little less damaged...I hope to continue to build relationships and some strong bonds with others here that I can share my struggles and experiences with as well as provide a shoulder to others.. and ultimately break my cycle  of submissive behaviors.. Thanks so much..Dave who has been repeated "pushed over" by others..

[Hello, newbie here and learning]

Hello everyone... this seems to be a very helpful site and I am so glad I found you... I have been struggling with recovery for almost 50 years and it never seems to get easier but at least I am brave enough to reach out now... Hope to be here often..