abhaya

Hi friends, sorry I disappeared for a few months, life got overwhelming,  but I am okay. I hope you are too. 

Please send brainy dust .*.,'**',.*,.'.*'.,* so I can complete this essay on complex trauma

Today is the day. The Supreme Court (of AR) gave The Monster's scumbag defense lawyers until today to file their writ of certiorari with them and you guessed it. There is NOTHING on the docket so far. They've had THREE YEARS to do this, and they can't even honor a two week-deadline given to them by a court that can sanction them, etc. They are unbelievable. If you have followed my story, you already know that. I just wonder how long this will be allowed to continue. I am tired. But, no one gives a you-know-what about me. Not the Court, not his lawyers, no one in the system. Victims don't get lawyers for themselves, and once a case has progressed to an appeal, the prosecutor is done. Once again, I am my own advocate. And, like I said, I am tired. 

Today is the day. The Supreme Court (of AR) gave The Monster's scumbag defense lawyers until today to file their writ of certiorari with them and you guessed it. There is NOTHING on the docket so far. They've had THREE YEARS to do this, and they can't even honor a two week-deadline given to them by a court that can sanction them, etc. They are unbelievable. If you have followed my story, you already know that. I just wonder how long this will be allowed to continue. I am tired. But, no one gives a you-know-what about me. Not the Court, not his lawyers, no one in the system. Victims don't get lawyers for themselves, and once a case has progressed to an appeal, the prosecutor is done. Once again, I am my own advocate. And, like I said, I am tired. 

Today is the first anniversary of my father's death.  We had a difficult relationship at times, but he was a good person, and helped me become the person I am today. He was a firm believer in justice, the value of our shared humanity, and kindness --especially to children and animals. I miss him, and the world he believed in and tried to bring about.

Not feeling like myself. I want to be cheerful and motivated, but am dragging and detached from everyone and everything. I’m sorry for being MIA. I love and support you all. ❤️🌺

Today is the first anniversary of my father's death.  We had a difficult relationship at times, but he was a good person, and helped me become the person I am today. He was a firm believer in justice, the value of our shared humanity, and kindness --especially to children and animals. I miss him, and the world he believed in and tried to bring about.

After all this time, just now starting to feel anger... not sure what to do with that.

After all this time, just now starting to feel anger... not sure what to do with that.

Nothing is helping. I felt a bit better after writing yesterday and posting it here, but I am still in a pit. I am at work trying to avoid everyone so that I don't take it out on them. I left my anxiety meds at home...but what good would they do anyway? I feel more depressed than anxious. I wish I was home with my dogs. But even then, I am still suffering. I have no idea what to do. 

i don't like being ignored

Nothing is helping. I felt a bit better after writing yesterday and posting it here, but I am still in a pit. I am at work trying to avoid everyone so that I don't take it out on them. I left my anxiety meds at home...but what good would they do anyway? I feel more depressed than anxious. I wish I was home with my dogs. But even then, I am still suffering. I have no idea what to do. 

Grateful to be with a safe and caring partner now, celebrating 6 years since our wedding day.  🙂

Talked with old friends today. They are moving on with their lives... dating, getting married, having kids, etc. Meanwhile, I have wasted the past several years of my young life trying to recover from a mental breakdown and effects of trauma. I’m not  sociable anymore. This is not where I thought I’d be in life right now. I feel like such a failure... I’m feeling so much self-hatred and shame. 😢😞

Grateful to be with a safe and caring partner now, celebrating 6 years since our wedding day.  🙂

Talked with old friends today. They are moving on with their lives... dating, getting married, having kids, etc. Meanwhile, I have wasted the past several years of my young life trying to recover from a mental breakdown and effects of trauma. I’m not  sociable anymore. This is not where I thought I’d be in life right now. I feel like such a failure... I’m feeling so much self-hatred and shame. 😢😞

I wrote about my dental appointment yesterday, I know it's a lot of writing, but I could use a little support if folks would be willing to comment on it, please?

I wrote about my dental appointment yesterday, I know it's a lot of writing, but I could use a little support if folks would be willing to comment on it, please?

I wrote about my dental appointment yesterday, I know it's a lot of writing, but I could use a little support if folks would be willing to comment on it, please?

My dog Oreo

Well, I'm still having pain a week later, so I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow.... plus they have to re-do the impressions which I find overwhelmingly triggering.  Not looking forward to it at all.

Well, I'm still having pain a week later, so I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow.... plus they have to re-do the impressions which I find overwhelmingly triggering.  Not looking forward to it at all.

Well, I'm still having pain a week later, so I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow.... plus they have to re-do the impressions which I find overwhelmingly triggering.  Not looking forward to it at all.

Well, I'm still having pain a week later, so I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow.... plus they have to re-do the impressions which I find overwhelmingly triggering.  Not looking forward to it at all.

Well, I'm still having pain a week later, so I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow.... plus they have to re-do the impressions which I find overwhelmingly triggering.  Not looking forward to it at all.