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Needpeace1

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Posts posted by Needpeace1

  1. 8 hours ago, MeBeMary said:

    Hello Needpeace,

    Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry about your childhood trauma. This is never ok for someone to do this. It is not uncommon for children of abuse to repress memories, so you are not alone. You will find tons of support here, tho. We have a community filled with understanding and kind members.

    I never had therapy either and this community was my first step after years, so I get that. I have found it helpful tho and that I haven't felt as alone as I once did. You will have a support system here. You will also not be pressured to share anything you are not comfortable with, just take your time and interact to what feels right for you.

    I am very glad that you have found us. It's a big step to reach out. I wish you many steps on this path of healing.

    Mary

    :notalone: 

    Hi Mary

    Thankyou very much for your kind words.

    I would never want anyone to go through this but it is helping me knowing that there are people out there who understand. 

    I hope you are healing Mary

    And there are lots of happy days for you

  2. 38 minutes ago, Hawkgirl said:

    @Needpeace1

    Welcome to AS.   I am sorry for all that you have been through.  I can relate to where you are.  Have you tried writing?  I know that sounds so trite, but I find it most helpful to express things when I can't find the verbal words for them.   I am not always a huge fan of self-help books because they are sometimes too vague.   But I find writing helps immensely.  I have a special journal set aside just for that.  It helps me to decompress a bit and I am able to put words, feelings and yes even anger on the pages.  It helps me because then it is not just rolling around upstairs. It is out of the attic and on paper.  It allows me to permit myself to feel whatever it is I need to feel without it becoming destructive.  For me some of my anger came from the fact childhood wasn't normal.  It also shows me the decisions of others has an impact in my life and honestly, that makes me angry.  I think it is normal to be angry.  It is just having to stuff it growing up is what makes expressing it hard now.   Something I started doing was writing a book (creative fiction) with elements of my own story in there.  That helped me as I could describe the characters of others who had contributed to the abuse any way I chose.  I think this may help you.  There is a seminar that is done yearly on trauma writing.  I think it is something that you may like to consider.

    Thankyou so much

    This is so helpful and quite weird that only yesterday I was sat watching telly and I googled help for csa and I came across someone saying to write a letter. I picked up a pad and paper I only managed to write one page and it was full of anger but I did feel a weight lifted. I felt t like some of the aches and pains in my body I live with every day somehow disappeared for a while. I paced up and down my living room crying. A little bit of me thought I was going a little bit crazy but I always manage to talk myself back from a breakdown.

    Do you get angry towards your mum?

    I do

    I moved back i with my mum and dad as i cant seem to get my shit together.

    I live in the house where it happened and I know I need to move out but it's not going to happen yet.

     

    Thankyou for your help and kind words

  3. 5 minutes ago, Free2Fly said:

    Hey, I'm sorry you've been through that, honestly maybe try some meditation stuff to help calm your anger, for me breathing exercises sometimes helps.

    Thankyou for your reply

    Yes I've tried the self help books, hypnotherapy meditation and breathing exercises. All seems hopeless

  4. Hi everyone

    First time here.

    My CSA started as a young child by my grandfather. It ended when I was 18. I'm now 37.

    I don't remember much from my childhood I've either blocked out the memories or took to many drugs years ago to numb myself.

    I've never had support from a therapist.

    I don't really talk about it.

    My temper is awful and I need to deal with it so here I am.

    Thanks for listening

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