Your post means a lot to me, too. It's such a relief to know other people are experiencing this, too.
I know what you mean by your mind overflowing, and I don't think you're ranting. All this started a few weeks ago for me, and I keep going over everything in my mind, trying put it together, trying to find explanations. It's just a completely desperate search for answers, and the war within my mind is exhausting. Every time I start to believe myself, I argue back. It looks like you're doing a lot of that, too, and I'm sorry you're going through that. That, in itself, is painful.
But