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I'm truly sorry someone abused you , no one should ever put their hands on you . I understand what it is to be abused as a child and its not easy understand or deal with . I've known about mine for years but recently was triggered and it brought back really ugly details . I'm in therapy and it has really helped , I was totally against it but then was very desperate for some kind of help . Some people say talking about it helps . Have you seen a therapist or counselor ? If you need someone to talk to I try to get on at least once a day . I'm very sorry your going through this . Safe hugs if okay .