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rosedust

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. So I have not been here in several weeks and I can feel the need to vent so I make no promises as to how sane I will sound but I have no where else to turn. Mhmm well I guess I start with the 24th of last month, my mom had surgery on both knees. It was a quick out patient surgery, I knew she would need help with recovery so trying to be a good daughter of course I said I would be there to help her through it all. So for the past several weeks I have been driving the 30 min to her house to be there before she gets up and then staying until 11 o'clock at night, only to pack up my young
  2. Hi there, I'm not sure if my feedback will help any but I do know what you mean in regards to feeling some type of way about the choices we've made in the past. I was first raped when I was five, by my father,and it was that way until I was 16. So when I got out of the situation I spiraled out of control. I made terrible decisions, I got into heavy drugs, I couldn't function without alcohol, I manipulated people and took out my anger on anyone around me. I was angry and all I wanted was revenge. To this day I question whether I deserve the family I have now, after all the horrible things I did
  3. You know that feeling you get right before you vomit, you can feel it coming but you try your hardest to hold it back because you know how uncomfortable it is. Down deep you know you'll feel better once you've got it all out, but it's instinct to fight it. That's how my childhood was, but if i didn't fight it and I let it all out, I could really hurt people.I never asked anyone to help me, I never told anyone, because that would be weakness or so I was told.Our family had a ton of secrets but there were even more in our household, and I always felt like the secret keeper. Now looking back I kn
  4. When I finally said the words "someones hurting me and I can't stop it" , that moment I thought I had broke my silence. For a good five minutes I thought I was free, it was all over someone was going to save me. But no, that was not the case.Why you may ask, well the villain in my story was my father and all my life I was groomed to protect him. So I made the person I told promise not to tell. And they kept my promise because we were 14 and they were also hurt by a family member so they knew how it felt to confide in someone. I had yet to learn this but I needed to save myself. I needed to st
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