Hoping8

Your AS friends are here to support you on whatever part of your journey you are on. Sharing your experiences is important, I hope nobody here has said anything to make you feel you can not reach for support here. Please do not feel silenced. Sitting with you for support and company if you would like? 🧡 B

I am sorry that you feel your experience would deter others.  You are so worthy of support, and your experience matters and has value.  I know I struggle with similar feelings sometimes, but when I check in with the person I am afraid I've harmed most of the time they didn't even remember the conversation and it's just me beating myself up.  I wonder if that might be true here too, and that you're not causing harm at all by sharing what you've lived through.  My feeling is that each of our stories make us so much stronger together, even if they include ways that the system continued to traumatize us.  I hope you feel welcome here.

Thanks for the backup. I've been in a pretty dark place lately. More than I ever remember from before. I don't plan to be beaten by this whole experience, but it has sure knocked me down. I just officially took leave from work--not my first choice at all, but work from home was removed as an option, sooooo.... 

I can't say it's a shock that I am out of commission. I've been under stress for years, extreme stress since November, and unbelievable stress since early January. R****** walked on felony charges, is now back in my places, trying to cozy up to my people, threatening to sue me for malicious fraud or some such ridiculous thing. And since schools are back to full time in person, no matter what, I had to either go back and fail--physically, mentally, and professionally--or take leave. So I took leave.

It feels horrible. I feel betrayed at so many levels, and I've lost so much hope. I am going to keep on trying, but this is new territory for me, where I literally do not know what to do next; where to go next.